Friday, March 07, 2008


My time here in Sisters is pushing a lot of buttons for my mom. Could be the fact that energetically she is feeling how much of my writing is about her, scratch that, about my trying to differentiate from her. Could be because she did exactly what I'm doing, left her kids to find herself when I was 13, the age my daughter is now. She sees history repeating and she does not like what she sees.

So, because there are no accidents, the day I "finished" my book, she happened to be here in town, in Sisters. Can enough be made of that name, by the way? We went out to dinner. We talked. We had an HDR (heavy, deep and real) and she raised her concern for the kids.

"Mom. I've thought about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, exhaustively. This is the best option for all of us, at this point in time. And please remember, I am not leaving my kids with Dad, I'm leaving them with MY husband. This is not your story, this is my story."

"I know, I keep trying to remember that," she confessed.

And there it is. A 77-year-old and 45-year-old realizing, and vocalizing, that they are separate. Two women, two stories, much overlap, but separate.

We enjoyed the rest of our dinner and when we were done, we split the check.


paul maurice martin said...

Sounds like a good conversation.

As to crows, I never met a refined one. I used to jog at dawn or shortly after sunrise and got yelled at a lot for being out in their space at that hour!

Nancy said...

Just had a HDR with my mom, as she sees me in the same place that she was at the same age, questioning everything. I'm sure it's in their nature, and someday may be in ours, to try to help us avoid the pot holes. You hit the nail on the head though, these are our pot holes...separate indeed.

Mid-lifer said...

You are me in parallel! A 13 year old daughter, me 45 and a 77 year old mum. My convos with mum can get a bit HDR and I'm so desperate not to do what she did, but so far I'm going straight down that road too....with a little bit of difference!

La La said...

Glad you enjoyed the rest of your dinner. HDR with mom. I can't even imagine my mom being capable of that!


riversgrace said...

I believe the HDRs you're having with her are freeing your daughter of much future work. So while things might 'look' one way now, so many ancestral knots are being undone.

Amazing work, C.

Terry Whitaker said...

It must've felt good, having that all out in the air, rather than under her breath (and yours!)

lo said...

You continue to rock and roll!
Woo hoo!
Good for you-to be having these conversations with your mom and to surviving them:)
love AND peace,

Anonymous said...

Just being able to have this conversation, without it ending in anger/tears/verbal slams/being defensive, etc. is HUGE. I love how you just expressed your view point, didn't feel the need to defend it and moved forward. Keep living in that light, it is such a better place to be.

marge said...

I like that you had the conversation with your mother. It shows you both care and love each other. I also feel mutual respect in your conversation. We are like our Mothers in many ways just with our own little twist. The twist is what ticks them off. I know it would my Mother.

Michelle O'Neil said...

So glad you are able to talk with your mom about all this. I'm still floored you two did the Ruth King workshop together.

Great work you two are doing. You are the catalyst.

Anonymous said...

Two well intentioned people sharing HDR takes a lot of energy on both parties part. We are all in the midst of making our own paths, mistakes, twists and turns. We are busy carving. some more intentional than others. Someimes we turn out masterpieces and sometimes castoffs but we keep carving. You're creating your won piece and you are part of your mom's masterwork. She really created a jem.

Deb said...

This sounds like a victory dinner for you both. Way to go!

holly said...

I can't imagine my mom being even capable of an HDR at this point in her life. I hope I'm wring about that and the day will come for us.

I have to keep asking myself, if we can't have these conversations how will I ever know how to open those lines and keep them flowing as my kids grow.

kario said...

good for you both.

Love you!