Thursday, November 29, 2007

(Photo from

Meet Antje Duvekot

When Harry met Sally it was settled
That Mary Jane would fall for Spiderman
The story was set in stone like
Tarzan and Jane, Yoko and John
You were like my Hollywood movie
The butterflies and Central Park kiss
Of course you would pursue me, I was Julia Roberts
I mean, how could you resist?

Well, I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be a dandelion

So I put on the best of my Warhols
I could have been your Marilyn Monroe
But you had only eyes for the Mona Lisa
You shared my cab ride all the way home

But I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be a dandelion

I am a middle class home, I am a worn out banjo
I'll never dance in Swan Lake, I'll never play the cello
I am the Northern Lights, I am invisible
I am a dandelion, I am forever wild

I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be

You were looking for a tea light
And I will always be a forest fire
A dandelion

I've had this song playing in my head for weeks now. I love it. I am obsessed with it. Not only does it start with mentioning my favorite movie, it articulates something for me I've never quite been able to articulate. I'm a dandelion. Yep, that's right. Me and my new best friend, (NBF) Antje, we're both dandelions. And God dammit, I'm just not going to apologize for that anymore. Who needs an orchid? Too high maintenance! Who needs to dance in "Swan Lake," play the cello, be a work of art? All over rated, if you ask me. I'm no little puny tea light, either - I'm not subtle, understated, quiet, unassuming, NO, dammit, I'm not!

I have wrestled with who I am versus who I think others think I am for too long. Like Dr. Phil says, "We wouldn't care so much about what others think of us, if we knew how little they actually do." Key-rist! So true! Why do I spend more than one second worrying about false perceptions? Worrying about being a banjo in a cello world? Worrying about being a forest fire in a tea light culture? TFBS to that!

For the 22 years my husband and I have been together I've been accusing him of wanting one thing, but getting another. Never did I stop to think, "Wow. I think he actually knew what he wanted and got it! He wanted ME - not someone like me, not someone else, ME." He wanted a banjo, I tried to be a cello. He wanted a forest fire, I tried to be a tea light. He wanted someone to dance WITH, not watch dance.

Why would a person fight a fight that isn't there? Not just fight it, FIGHT it? What's up with that?

If you can figure it out, let me know. In the meantime, I'll be ravishing forests with my fire.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I've been tagged.

1) The first thing you may not know about me is I hate chain-mail! But more than I hate chain-mail I LOVE talking about myself!

2) I have a "thing" for gay men, always have, always will, and my husband often starts conversations with, "Oh, you'd really like him, he's your type, you know, gay."

3) My SAT scores were so low, I could only get into "easy-to-get-into" colleges when I was 18.

4) I graduated with honors and went on to earn a 4.0 for my Master's degree - so ha, ha, ha.

5) I was an advocate for Talented and Gifted (TAG) kids before I became an advocate for kids with special needs. They are not mutually exclusive categories I soon discovered. There are no accidents.

6) Nobody laughs harder at my jokes than I do. I LOL when I'm all alone.

* Obviously my Master's is not in MATH! It is in Education - now do as I say, and not as I do!


7) I'm already shopping for what I'm going to wear on the yellow couch - wouldn't want to clash!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Christmas time is here, and that means ONE thing: most of you will misuse the apostrophe when addressing your envelopes and/or writing your cards, and that will totally RUIN my Christmas! So, since we OBVIOUSLY don't want that to happen, allow me to give you some simple guidelines. We'll all enjoy the season that much more with the joy of knowing we've pleased the gods of punctuation (and me).


1) We are The Links. No apostrophe. Just plural. Simple.

2) The Jones Family or The Jones' is how your pluralize names ending with "S."

3) The Kalez Family, or The Kalezes is correct. Their name ends in z, to make it plural it requires es, but NO apostrophe!


1) We are invited to the Link's house for a really fun party.

2) We are invited to the Jones' house for a really fun party. (Tricky! Same as plural!)

3) We are invited to the Kalez's for a really fun party.

And while we're at it, the ONLY time you put an apostrophe in ITS is when it is a CONTRACTION for IT IS. Otherwise it's like hers, ours, his, it is automatically possessive. Simple Simon!

*Photo from Common Sense

Register with me for the Ruth King "Generational Healing" 1-Day Workshop
Friday, February 1st
9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Portland, Oregon

e-mail me at:

Monday, November 26, 2007


10. Tell her you're doing all your Christmas shopping at Trader Joe's this year.

9. Play "The Carpenter's Christmas Album" in the car every time she gets in.

8. Mock her Christmas list.

7. Take her shopping but every time she finds something she "needs," tell her, "Great! Put that on your Christmas list!"

6. Tell her you're going to make her wear tights to the school Advent Program, you just can't stand to see her on stage with cold legs.

5. Tell her, "Santa is making a list of who's naughty and nice!"

4. Tell her all you want for Christmas is for her to be happy.

3. Suggest that this year instead of gifts, the whole family is going to donate their gift money to charity.

2. When she asks you what you want for Christmas, start singing, loudly, and in public, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth."

1. Remind her to keep the Christ in Christmas.

Friday, November 23, 2007


Buddhism teaches there are three types of suffering:

1) Suffering of Suffering - things which bring up fear and pain and we take measures to eliminate
2) Suffering of Change - things which at one time brought satisfaction and comfort and no longer do
3) All-Pervasive Suffering - the basis for the first two - to eliminate suffering you have to get rid of all the aggregates (category of sensory experiences) that are the basis of all suffering (attachment, clinging).

OK, if I have this straight, all sentient begins have suffering of suffering, hunger, pain, etc. Only humans are fickle and grow restless and tired with what they have, and are always wanting. But the real issue is our ideas, our beliefs, our attitudes. Our mind is what brings us the most suffering.

I'm thinking about Christmas. For me, no holiday has as many ideas, beliefs and attitudes associated with it. There are lots of ways to screw up Christmas, and very few ways to get it right. If the tree doesn't get picked with the right "energy" - if there aren't Christmas carols playing while it's decorated by one, big, happy, smiling, singing family, if each ornament isn't pulled from the box with rapt attention from all, then BAM - we've already ruined Christmas. When the lights are tangled, decorations damaged or missing, someone is not in the proper spirit according to someone else's attachment/expectations, then BAM! Christmas is ruined! If the calendar says, "Christmas Season" then it's Christmas Season - damn everything else. HO, HO, HO!

When one person in a family feels conflicting emotions, suffering of suffering, suffering of change, that can really throw a wrench into the festivities.

But should it?

We are certainly affected by those around us, but can they "ruin" things for us without our permission?

There is interconnectedness left and right, but we are all, in the end, alone and individuals. Can one person have high (maybe unrealistic) hopes of how things should be, and another person go on living with themselves despite the fact they are never able to reach the heights of those hopes held by another?

Whose job is it to make our dreams come true? Can we learn to have hopes, but then live with the peace that comes from detaching from the outcome of those hopes?

Do we have a choice?

Have a happy holiday season, if you want to, I don't really care one way or another.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


10. Coffee
9. My extended family
8. Humor
7. The wisdom borne of pain
6. My children's school community
5. Amazing friendships
4. Health & vitality
3. My husband & children
2. More coffee
1. love.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


He was the one that never took a vacation.
He was the one that worked six days a week for 24 years.
He was the one that saw my baby before most friends.
He was the one that my daughter was first allowed to go visit all alone.
He was the one that sold me bread, milk, ice cream and solace.
He was the one that knew my name.
He was the one that said, "NO RUNNING!" and nobody was afraid of.
He was the one that said, "If we don't have it, you probably don't need it."
He was the one that was right about that.
He was the one that taught me to say "ground beef" instead of "hamburger."
He was the one that ordered extra sourdough bread when he knew Rojo was on a binger.
He was the one that asked what kind of Ben & Jerry's I'd like him to carry.

He was the one that went in for surgery on November 2nd.
He was the one that had complications.
He was the one that stayed in ICU for 16 days.
He was the one we prayed for.
He was the one that died on Sunday.

He is the one we will miss.
He is the one we will never see again.
He is the one we will never forget.
He is the one for whom we leave flowers and cards and candles burning by The Little Store.
He is the one the delivery truck drivers came by for today and left flowers and cards and candles burning.

He was the one with The Little Store and the Big Heart.

*Photos from The Sellwood Bee

Monday, November 19, 2007


Some of you will remember this from last year. Well, I'm feeling compelled to update it for this year:


10. I got a really big turkey this year so we'd all have plenty of leftovers.
9. Boy, it sure is wet out there, isn't it?
8. I suppose it's time to start thinking about Christmas!
7. It rained so hard last night I didn't think it would ever stop.
6. I had Papa put on new wiper blades and my, that sure makes a difference.
5. I got the whole crossword puzzle done today!
4. Aren't we lucky to have everyone together?
3. I just love how everyone pitches in so no one has to work too hard.
2. We are just loving all the new restaurants popping up in our neighborhood.
1. We have so much to be grateful for.


10. I haven't heard a word from your brother - I'm sure he doesn't even consider calling his own mother on Thanksgiving.
9. Good thing I had plans to come here, nobody else I know thought to invite me!
8. What a waste to work this hard and have it all done so quickly.
7. Have you heard what those crazy democrats are trying to do now?
6. The malls will all be an absolute MAD HOUSE from now on!
5. I hate how everyone has taken the Christ out of Christmas!
4. I'm sure Baby Jesus would be horrified to see what we've done with His birthday.
3. Everyone I know has cancer.
2. I left my car unlocked and someone stole my stereo. Can you believe it?
1. Let's hope 2008 is a happier year than THIS one has been!

Saturday, November 17, 2007


Sorry I couldn't post any sooner, I had to get Roger and Chuck out of my bedroom before I could move forward with my day. It's been awhile since I had this problem of men that would not leave my bedroom when I wanted them to.

First it was Roger. He came to the door at 9:30 AM and said the neighborhood was having a lot of disturbance and interference, and it was coming from our home. Roger would really appreciate it if he could come inside and take a look. My husband answered the door, and not knowing I had anything to hide, led him straight to me - how embarrassing. Then Roger called Chuck - Chuck? Could you come help me? We've got a real doozy on our hands! I've always been too much for one man to handle.

Even with both masterminds at work, the problem remained. Something in my bedroom was causing all the ruckus in the neighborhood, and everyone would appreciate it very much if it would stop.

Oh, boys, I would if I could, but I can't so I won't!

All this brings to mind another time or two I've been disruptive and interfering. I went to a big fund raiser last night and the subject of my blog came up (I may, or may not have been the one bringing up the subject). I got to hear which posts were favorites, which posts made people sad, or happy, or feel touched, and then "the" post came up. The one where I got on my high horse about infidelity and how we still stone women for that.

For some reason people didn't appreciate that. Somehow they got the idea that I was pro adultery. Well, for the record, I am not pro adultery, but I am anti-stoning. A woman shared with me that she had two brothers-in-law that weren't speaking because one had cheated on his wife and the other didn't approve. She said something I'll never forget, "I think if he'd shot and killed someone, everyone would still be talking."

I just find that fascinating that we, as a culture, tolerate murder over adultery. Adultery certainly can murder a marriage - no question about it. Would that be a nicer way to look at it? Death? It's the betrayal aspect that hangs us up, that and the fear that it is contagious. We don't want our marriages to "get it" and by condemning it, we are inoculating ourselves.

Well, Roger and Chuck got the problem in my bedroom fixed, and now the neighborhood is happy again. Too bad they found me a hopeless cause.

Friday, November 16, 2007

"Through meditative techniques, one can free the mind of delusions and attain what we call enlightenment." H.H. the Dalai Lama

And since sleep is the best meditation, you can, theoretically, achieve enlighenment if you sleep enough! It's true, when you sleep you are not deluded, that's why our dreams can be so great or so scary - no delusions - the straight story. I'm telling you, People, you gotta write down your dreams! That's why the old expression, "Sleep on it," makes so much sense!

One more WOW (Word of Wisdom) from HH: "With love that is simply attachment, the slightest change in the object, such as a tiny change of attitude, immediately causes you to change. This is because your emotion is based on something very superficial. Take, for example, a new marriage. Often after a few weeks, months, or years the couple becomes enemies and finish up getting divorced. They married deeply in love - nobdoy marries with hatred - but after a short time everything changed. Why?"

Something to "sleep on!"

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Dreamed Woohoo woke up and the bottom of her front tooth had broken off. I dug around in her bed and found the chunk, then couldn't remember the name of our dentist. I held the broken bit of tooth protectively, while scrambling for a new plan.

Percept Language: The Woohoo part of me woke up part of me. Her front tooth part of me broke off part of me. I dug aound in bed and found part of me. I held the broken part of me protectively, while scrambing for a new plan for part of me.

Yea. Kinda like that.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Generational Healing Workshop
Friday, February 1, 2008
9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Portland, Oregon
$115.00/person - lunch included

We all embody a rage inheritance-the unresolved rage of our parents and ancestors that we carry forth out of an unconscious loyalty to them. With the insights from African indigenous wisdom and Family Constellations methodology, we reveal unconscious entanglements with the fates of family ancestors. In this work, we create a "knowing field" as we stand in for each other and decode this unconscious legacy, and in so doing, we learn how to:

Let go of habitual pain patterns.
Release long-standing traumas.
Be present to and enjoy the moment.
Expand perceptions of right and wrong.
Balance life.
Develop satisfying relationships.
Rest well in body, mind and spirit.
Embody satisfying and healing legacies.

In this profoundly intimate and experiential work, we experience the beauty and complexity of unconditional love. We discover how seeing, being, and honoring our past frees us to be powerful and genuine in our present-day relationships, lives, and service.

Ruth King, MA, a respected voice on transforming rage, is president of Bridges, Branches & Braidsan organization working with negative emotions in positive ways. She is the author of Healing Rage, Women Making Inner Peace Possible (Penguin, 2007) and the audio CD Soothing the Inner Flames of RageMeditations that Educate the Heart & Transform the Mind (BBB, 2007). King weaves Eastern and Western psychology, leadership development, systems theory, shamanism, metaphysics, meditation, and teachings from wisdom traditions to lecture, coach, and facilitate retreats that transform the emotional body and mind. For more information, visit

1:1 coaching sessions (1 hr. each) with Ruth available Thursday, January 31st 12 - 5 PM or Sunday, February 3rd, 8:00 AM - 12 noon.

To reserve your spot, e-mail Carrie Link at:

I am DONE - done, totally done with my book, well not TOTALLY done, but I'm done WRITING it. Now for the editing. And the re-editing. And the editing it some more. But for now, for this moment, on this day I celebrate having WRITEN it! It is not the book I started off writing. It's a book about not writing the book I started off writing. It's the book I wrote when the book I thought I was going to write, would not be writen. Are you following all this?

Like with everything, I didn't end up where I thought I was going, but I got "there." "There" is already feeling like a place I want to be.

Today I celebrate being done.

Tomorrow I wake up and start all over again.

Another metaphor. They're starting to bug.

Monday, November 12, 2007

We (Rojo) are very interested (completely obsessed) with Boston College. We (I) don't know why we (Rojo) love BC Eagles so damn much but we (he) does.

He's "been" BC for weeks now, both football and basketball. He's the coach, band, refs, Boston College and the other team, too (always a college ending in the words, State University, so __SU). I am the scoreboard monitor and cheering section. While in my scoreboarding trance yesterday I noticed he has still not self-corrected two words he's been mispronouncing for years.

Offense = Odd Fence

Rebound = Re-butt

Then I realized the wisdom of what he was saying. To live life on the offense does indeed create an odd fence between you and the world around you. A rebound is nothing more than getting up off your butt and trying again.

Rojo strikes again.

Can't talk now - I've got a game needing a scorekeeper and cheering section.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


La La invited me to do this activity, and I'm really glad I did. Try it, you'll like it, hey Mikey!


I am from whiskey and teachers, from scarred knees and willow trees.
I am from juniper, St. Thomas, milkshakes and Dunkin' Donuts.

I am from marriage and children, step-families and pearls.
I am from Eastwood and Reed, Uncle Sam and dogs named Kitty.

I am from hearing aids, chest walls, emphysema and jail.
I am from murder and babies, lies and omissions.

I am from college and masters and teaching the poor.
I am from flunking and passing, Bonzai plants and country fairs.

I am from Prineville and poverty, sororities and Ivy League.
I am from valleys and Catholics, Buddhists and BLTs.

I am from cages and braces, smoke and keys.
I am from acronyms, diagnoses, knowing and ignorance.

I am from homos and heteros, does and don'ts.
I am from intelligence to wisdom, from right to left.

Friday, November 09, 2007


I walk into the salon Wednesday and am instantly greeted by Doug, Sue and Cindy, three darlings of Darling's Hair Salon.

"Oh! Look at your cute outfiit!" they say. So kind of them to say so, considering I am in workout clothes, hair hidden beneath a hat.

"You do NOT want to see what is under this hat!" I warn as they giggle graciously.

Doug with his psychic ability only equal to his hairstyling ability, takes a closer look at me and says, "Uh oh, what's the matter with you?"

"Oh, Doug, everything. I'm not OK, I'm really sad and everything is falling apart."

"Well, let's see what's going on," he says, removing my baseball cap and nearly gasping with the fright underneath. "Good Lord! Something is giving you grey hairs! What's going on?"

"I can't really talk about it, Doug, and besides, I don't understand it well enough myself to be able to explain it to you."

"Honey! You don't have to. Let me get a vibe."

With one hand on the nape of my head where the new grey hairs have taken hold, he closes his eyes and proceeds to tell me everything that is going on. Everything.

Doug, with his perfectly starched, yellow, Ralph Lauren oxford shirt, sleeves rolled up with precision, his glasses that are that special kind of crystal that is supposed to impress me, but doesn't because I can't even remember the name of it, his own buzzed head, picture of his "husband" on his cell phone screen, he knows. He knows everything.

Is Doug psychic or am I finally transparent? I stated as a goal for my "Power Year" to be transparent - to hold no secrets, to be completely open and vulnerable, what you see is what you get, no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives, as ego-less as humanly possible for those of us un-enlightened beings.

I'm pretty sure it's the former, I'm not at the end of that lofty goal, but I am further along with it than I was when I began in February. I am much better at not spinning a story in my favor. I am better at owning my own responsibility in matters of the heart and soul. I am also much, much more of a crier than I was in February. When the mask began to drop, so did the tears.

I can't quite get it up to a really good boo-hoo, but there are tears. Tears are truths. We cry when we are on to something. I'm on to something. So is Doug. And besides, I have a cute new haircut.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


Extra busy morning at our house today, all four of us going in different directions, and Rojo sensed our prayer time might get cut from the line up. He pulls the chairs up to the table, gets out all the stuff, books, prayers, word-of-the-day, etc... and rings the gong, summoning us all to prayer.

"We're going to have a really quick one today," he tells us.

He grabs the word-of-the-day bag and pulls a word, "Synthesis!" he exclaims, "I had a dream about that last night! Can I choose another word? Please? Can I choose just one more word?"

"OK," Stan says, one eye on the clock, mindful we will all be late if this prayer time doesn't get wrapped up in the next 10 seconds.

"BEAUTY!" Rojo shrieks with delight, while breaking into song and dance.

"I had a dream about that last night, too! Shake your beauty - shake your beauty!"

We all shook our beauties, and none of us were even late.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Subtitled, "Yes! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!"

10. I bought you some doughtnuts, you're down to skin and bones.
9. I cleaned the toilet. You shouldn't have to be the only one that does that.
8. Why don't I take the kids over to my parents' house, let you have a little quiet time here.
7. I noticed we were low on Pellegrino, so I stopped by Trader Joe's and bought a case.
6. Rojo is studying Christopher Columbus - I found a book at his reading level, I thought I'd alternately read it with him each night when I put him to bed.
5. You're always the one to take Woohoo shopping, why don't I do it this time?
4. Why don't you make me a list of all the things around the house you'd like me to fix.
3. Is this the right amount of cream in your coffee? Here - let me get it and a spoon so you can make it just right.
2. Here - I'll unload your car for you, why don't you go on up and take a nap, you look tired.
1. You've never been more beautiful.

Friday, November 02, 2007


10. (Not really a candle quote, but I just had to throw my buddy, HH in here.)
"The awakening mind is also compared to the sun because when the sun has risen, not only is darkness unable to obscure it, but even a single ray of sunlight can dispel darkness." H.H. the Dalai Lama

9. It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Chinese Proverb

8. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
James Keller

7.Religion is a candle inside a multicolored lantern. Everyone looks through a particular color, but the candle is always there.
Mohammed Naguib

6.How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good dead in a naughty world.
William Shakespeare

5.There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton

4.Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

3.We say God and the imagination are one... How high that highest candle lights the dark.
Wallace Stevens

2.Christians should never fail to sense the operation of an angelic glory. It forever eclipses the world of demonic powers, as the sun does a candle's light.
Beverly Sills

1. To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
Ursula K. Le Guin