Thursday, November 29, 2007

(Photo from

Meet Antje Duvekot

When Harry met Sally it was settled
That Mary Jane would fall for Spiderman
The story was set in stone like
Tarzan and Jane, Yoko and John
You were like my Hollywood movie
The butterflies and Central Park kiss
Of course you would pursue me, I was Julia Roberts
I mean, how could you resist?

Well, I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be a dandelion

So I put on the best of my Warhols
I could have been your Marilyn Monroe
But you had only eyes for the Mona Lisa
You shared my cab ride all the way home

But I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be a dandelion

I am a middle class home, I am a worn out banjo
I'll never dance in Swan Lake, I'll never play the cello
I am the Northern Lights, I am invisible
I am a dandelion, I am forever wild

I am the Fourth of July
I'm throwing you a fire in the sky
You could go blind in my light
But you were looking for an orchid
And I will always be

You were looking for a tea light
And I will always be a forest fire
A dandelion

I've had this song playing in my head for weeks now. I love it. I am obsessed with it. Not only does it start with mentioning my favorite movie, it articulates something for me I've never quite been able to articulate. I'm a dandelion. Yep, that's right. Me and my new best friend, (NBF) Antje, we're both dandelions. And God dammit, I'm just not going to apologize for that anymore. Who needs an orchid? Too high maintenance! Who needs to dance in "Swan Lake," play the cello, be a work of art? All over rated, if you ask me. I'm no little puny tea light, either - I'm not subtle, understated, quiet, unassuming, NO, dammit, I'm not!

I have wrestled with who I am versus who I think others think I am for too long. Like Dr. Phil says, "We wouldn't care so much about what others think of us, if we knew how little they actually do." Key-rist! So true! Why do I spend more than one second worrying about false perceptions? Worrying about being a banjo in a cello world? Worrying about being a forest fire in a tea light culture? TFBS to that!

For the 22 years my husband and I have been together I've been accusing him of wanting one thing, but getting another. Never did I stop to think, "Wow. I think he actually knew what he wanted and got it! He wanted ME - not someone like me, not someone else, ME." He wanted a banjo, I tried to be a cello. He wanted a forest fire, I tried to be a tea light. He wanted someone to dance WITH, not watch dance.

Why would a person fight a fight that isn't there? Not just fight it, FIGHT it? What's up with that?

If you can figure it out, let me know. In the meantime, I'll be ravishing forests with my fire.


kario said...

Or, you'll just be ravishing.

Just for the record, whenever I think of you I feel love. I don't think of banjos or cellos or dandelions or forest fires. Just love. Loving that I know you. Loving that you're you.

Happy day.

La La said...

Okay, I'm adding that song to my iPod right now. That's how much influence you have on me! You rock! Or should I say, You BURN! YOU flame! YOU GLOW! You Sparkle!

Love to you.

Jess said...

I love this song, too. Love that you love it, too. Love your music posts (especially when I've had to do with introducing you to the music, and I won't say what percentage of the time that might be - because I'm not counting or anything).

I like banjos just as much as cellos. :) (And if you want good pop music with banjo, let me know...)

Kim said...

AMEN! Love those lyrics, love this post, love you!

And banjo music is one of my favorite things ever, seriously.

Kathryn said...

Well, I fought that fight for years and I found it was me I was battling with, and Dr. Phil is right. Obsessing over what others think of you is really a form of self-indulgence, as if you were on their minds constantly. Someone told me that what others think of me is none of my business. I just realized about 10 years ago, that other's behavior was just a reflection of what I was projecting. When I finally got to where I could accept myself AS IS where I am today, everything fell into place. I became happy. It's all just perception in the end. I was reacting to my own phantoms.

By the way, my perception of you is that you are a bright shining light in the world. :)

riversgrace said...

Fighting a fight that isn't there? Or, perhaps, it's a fight of life times...and you were fighting it just where you could, here, in your family, in your world. Maybe fighting for the release of all your ancestors without even knowing you had agreed to do that. And that's exactly the point, you got it.

I respect the fight, it wasn't a mistake. There's just a time when it's over. Then you can be truly present to your life. The life you have put through the fire and transformed.

Ok, off to download and burn. Love.

Jerri said...

Recognizing that our greatest fights are with ourselves is true wisdom.

Sing your own song, Carrie. Loud and proud, Girl.

Michelle O'Neil said...

And as the Dixie Chicks have proven...banjos are "hot!"

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

Wonderful post.

Eileen said...

I have a play list on my iPod that now is devoted to Carrie's Gems!! This one is going directly there along with the other ones that touch my heart and lift my soul. Love, love, love this song and your post. You know I have been stuggling with this issue for way too long!! Love this post and you!!

shauna said...

Eileen at Life of Triggers tipped me on your blog because I posted on a similar topic today. I'm just so ready to stop worrying about how others' perceive me. And while I hate to admit it, Dr. Phil is probably right on this one. If you discover any secrets, do share! :)

Deb said...

I love that you're starting to appreciate the wonderful you that we've all seen from the beginning!