Friday, September 28, 2007

PLEASE TELL ME IT'S FEBRUARY 3rd!

Ever see that movie with Bill Murray, "Groundhog Day?" The one where every day is exactly the same as the one before by some twisted turn of fate? Ever feel your life is eerily like that? You keep bumping up against the same issues never actually resolving them, but bumping, bumping, always bumping? Ever get tired of all that bumping? Yea, me too.

That's why I've declared today is the day AFTER Groundhog's Day, February 3rd. I've written 2-3 on my right hand with a Sharpie, a constant reminder of what is "right" (get it?) I am DONE with the same issues and all that bumping. I am ready for DIFFERENT issues, I'm so sick of this set I can hardly stand it!

I woke up this morning, got that first cup of coffee, sat in my robe and slippers and ripped off yesterday's quote-of-the-day by the Dalai Lama, and read today's. "When you die you go alone, and the only light to accompany you derives from the spiritual practice or positive acts you have done."

Spiritual practice and/or positive acts, hmmm, yes, note to self, do that. Fighting the same fights, staying in a rut, that is neither spiritual nor positive.

I'm pretty sure my Groundhog Day experiences are here to teach me something, and if only I'd learn them, they would stop haunting me. Today's the day I pick up the charge of student and look long and deeply into the eye of the "groundhog" and show it who's boss. Ain't lettin' no groundhog run this show anymore!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007




If you are a mom, have a mom, or are thinking of becoming a mom...

Click here.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sue Monk Kidd

Top 10 Quotes from The Dance of the Dissident Daughter:

10. "Feminist thealogian Carol P. Christ states that a woman's awakening begins with an 'experience of nothingness.' It comes as she experiences emptiness, self-negation, disillusionment, a deep-felt recognition of the limitation placed on women's lives, especially her own."

9. "...we carry not only our own wounding experiences, but the inherited wounds of our mothers and grandmothers as well."

8. "...as long as one woman is dehumanized, none of us can be fully human."

7. "During awakening, volatility often lies just beneath the surface of a woman's relationshop with her partner...Men need to become aware, but blaming them does not help. It only polarizes. Eventually I came to see that what's needed is to invite men into our struggle, to make them part of our quest."

6. "Overall, women's voices have not been encouraged unless they spoke as mouthpieces for the party line. Quiet ladies who held their tongues were loved and lauded. Uppity, pioneering women who spoke their minds and said bold things were attacked and sanctioned. 'And that plays into our greratest fear, which is going against convention and having love and approval taken away,' says writer Erica Jong.
Very often silence becomes the female drug of choice."

5. "My ultimate authority is the divine voice in my own soul. Period."

4. "...the wise and difficult love that reminds parents that all we can really do is be true to our own spiritual unfolding and trust that our examples will one day help them be true to theirs. For children have a guiding spiritual wisdom inside of them, too."

3. "(Women) have to come to understand ourselves as central, not peripheral, before anything real can happen. We have to depend on ourselves... This cannot be done against men, and that's the real problem... It cannot be woman against man. It has to be woman finding her true self with or without man, but not against man." - May Sarton

2. "Women's lives are made up of cycles of descent and ascent. At crucial times we must seek out periods of inner solitude, deep brooding and being, intervals of spiritual apartness where we move down into the depths of ourselves to mine the dark gorge and bring new treasure into the light."

1. "Yet anger needs not only to be recognized and allowed; like the grief, it eventually needs to be transformed into an energy that serves compassion. Maybe one reason I had avoided my anger was that like a lot of people I had thought there were only two responses to anger: to deny it or to strike out thoughtlessly. But other responses are possible. We can allow anger's enormous energy to lead us to acts of resistance against patriarchy. Anger can fuel our abilty to challenge, to defy injustice. It can lead to creative projects, constructive behavior, acts that work toward inclusion. In such ways anger becomes a dynamism of love."

That's all I'm sayin, I hope that's all you're hearing me say!

love.

Monday, September 24, 2007



SHALL WE DANCE?

Four years ago we moved into our house, kicking a couple of dissident daughters out. I say dissident (disagreeing with an established religion) because while these simply-dressed, grey-haired women had been married to Jesus for nearly 50 years each, they were hardly anyone's "Little Mrs." God was always referred to as feminine, and Mother Earth was worshipped and revered, A few hundred years ago this kind of thinking would have gotten these women branded witches, and had them burned at the stake. I'd like to think we share a past life experience in that regard, for I'm sure I spent at least one incarnation being incinerated for my dissident ways. At least I hope so. I pray I wasn't the one lighting the matches.

Sister Mary, the primary dweller of our home before it became our home, highly recommended a book to me, and I put it in the pile.

"The Pile" had some impressive titles waiting for me, and many were "up" before this one. I had just read The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, and Sister Mary was pushing me to read one of her non-fiction books, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. “I think this book will really resonate with you, Carrie,” she said while giving me a knowing look. I chose to ignore her “knowing.” I wasn’t ready for that kind of “knowing.” Four years ago I wasn't nearly as dissident as I am now, and nothing about the book called to me, but I'm a good girl, and obediently ordered the book and placed it in line to be read.

This summer of 2007 may well go down as my Summer of Dissidence. I read, thought and did all kinds of out-there things, out there for me, anyway. One doesn't have to stretch far or wide to be "out there" for me, straight-laced, good, even puritanical are apt words to describe me. This summer I studied archetypes, goddesses, dakinis (flying dieties of Tibetan Buddhism), mythology, folk tales, astrology, homeopathy, chakras and nature, our Mother. Like I said, "out there."

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree they say, and I am no exception. My mother, sandwiched between six brothers and raised by an over-bearing Baptist minister father, had patriarchy down pat. She "rebelled" as a young woman and became Episcopalian. While being an Episcopalian is a long way away from the fire and brimstone of Baptists, those roots from her childhood had taken firm hold, and popped up like weeds early and often in my upbringing. Barry Manilow was a "rock star" and his poster in my room had to come down - worshipping false gods. My Aquarius poster, too, had to come down, even though she'd given it to me. It was evil, work of the devil, opened my mind to sin and corruption if I wasn't vigilant. Vigilant was my middle name, the poster and all thoughts towards astrology were rinsed clean by the blood of Christ. My life as a child felt like hell, there was no way I was going to spend all eternity there. If all it took to ensure my gateway to heaven was removing thumbtacks from my wall, that worked for me.

For much of my Dissident Summer of ’07 I listened to books on CDs. Gary Zukav, Tsultrim Allione, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, and Eckhart Tolle among others. I kept The Dance of the Dissident Daughter in the pile all summer, but never got to it, still wasn’t calling my name.

Yesterday the book called my name.

“Carrie,” the book shouted from the pile. “Pick me up. I have the words you are looking for. I am the last piece of the puzzle. You are ready for me now.”

I spent all day yesterday before a fire, wrapped in afghans made by my mother, in her house in Sisters. I took a “sick day.” I never showered, never got out of my pajamas, never “did” anything. I was sick, too. Soul sick. Sad. Disillusioned. Feeling displaced. Betwixt and between. Depressed. Teary.

My Dissident Summer was over. I’d disassembled my life this summer, I’d pulled everything apart and analyzed it to death. Many parts indeed died, they were on their last legs anyway. Some parts were struggling to survive and I chose to fan their tiny flame and get them roaring again. I moved from confusion to clarity to confusion over and over again.

Driving over the mountain Friday from Portland to Sisters, I saw how clearly fall is here now, and summer is gone. There is that cold bite to the air that wasn’t here in August. Many of the trees and shrubs lining the highway are turning brilliant colors. As they approach death they spark and enflame, giving life their last hurrah before falling to the ground and turning to compost. Many parts of me alit before dying, wanting one last desperate bit of attention. Now they lie around and feed the new growth. Their lives not having been lived in vain. Their death making possible new life. The cycle continuing.

And so I lay all day yesterday in a stew of old and new, death, dying, re-birth, pregnant with the future. Sue Monk Kidd’s book a key, if not last, piece of the puzzle. She expertly details the process I’ve been going through, and all I can say is, “ditto.”

Thank you Sister Mary. Thank you Sue Monk Kidd. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, my daughter. Thank you Grandma. Thank you Mary our Mother. Thank you Mother Earth. Thank you, dissident daughters, everywhere.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


TOP 10 PERSONAL DISCOVERIES MADE AT THE RAGE RETREAT

10. Rage carries an energy that when released, leaves you exhausted - sleep for days kind of exhausted.
9. When the rage is gone, there is room for all the other emotions, and much more compassion.
8. Always being the victim is passive aggression.
7. We are all both perpetrators and victims.
6. I'm not the extrovert I thought I was.
5. I've done more of "my work" than I thought I had.
4. It is possible to have nothing but compassion for those that have hurt you the most.
3. It's easy, and natural, to become addicted to our suffering, and letting it go can bring on withdrawals.
2. Don't take everything so personally - most of people's "stuff" has little, or nothing to do with us, even when they try to tell us otherwise.
1. The answer to all questions is love.

Friday, September 21, 2007

PORN FOR WOMEN

I had the wonderful opportunity to see Blair Tyler Peters recently, and she had this book out on a coffee table. We howled with laughter, and I think many of you will too.

Recently, my mate of 21 years said the sexiest thing he's ever said to me. I was bemoaning how little I was putting (zero) into my parenting and wifing these last 3 months, and how guilty I felt about that. He said, holding his arms out wide, "This is our marriage." Then, squeezing his fingers together with barely a gap between, "this is the period of time we're talking about now."

Even if he had cleaned the whole house, I couldn't have felt more loved.

Thursday, September 20, 2007



WHEN MOHAMMAD WON'T COME TO THE MOUNTAIN...

In addtion to all the wonderful things that I learned from Ruth King at the "Celebrating Rage" retreat, I also met a dear friend of hers, Lucia Capacchione. Lucia is a force in her own right, but for the retreat she was an assistant to Ruth. She so believes in the work that Ruth does, and it is in such alignnment with what she's out in the world doing, she "gave back" and volunteered her weekend to helping women resolve their rage.

At the end of one particularly dramatic exercises Ruth had us do, we journaled about it. Upon Lucia's suggestion, we wrote with our non-dominent hand. She explained that by doing so, we would be accessing our right brain, and allowing our psyche to speak up, where usually the left brain has it under reigns. I gave it a try.

Wow. It was like I was writing with invisible ink. Words I didn't think I was even thinking showed up on the page, totally catching me off guard. I intended one thing, and wrote another. There were two such instances, but the one that freaked me out the most was this one. I intended to write, "I need to be needed." But what my left hand wrote was, "I need to be noted." Undeniably true, but news to me.

I spoke more with Lucia about this afterwards, and learned she had a whole book about this, which of course has long-since been 1-Clicked. Can't wait for it to arrive.

The more I spoke with Lucia, the more "Oh my Gods" there were. She has done a lot of work on Anne Frank's life (I am slightly obsessed with Anne Frank). But the biggest OMG of all was when she ofthandedly mentioned she'd worked with Sister Mary Corita Kent, or "Corita" to those of us that worship her, may she rest in peace. I have Corita art ALL over my house, and more on the way. Everything about this woman turned nun, turned lay person fascinates me, and Lucia worked with her, side-by-side. There are no accidents, that's all I'm sayin'!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

For an amazing Ruth King interview on radio, click this link, then access Earth 101 aired yesterday, Tuesday, September 18th. It's 1 1/2 hours long, and will give you much more of an idea of what Reverend Ruth "preaches."



http://archive.kpft.org/


"WHEN YOU ARE PAYING KIND ATTENTION TO RAGE, IT CEASES TO BE A PROBLEM." - Ruth King

Hmmm... today I land, gently and well from the high of the Rage Retreat in Calistoga Springs, California, with the formidable Ruth King. It feels necessary to put the word Reverend before Ruth's name, for that is what she teaches, reverence. There is a peace and stillness in Ruth that is undeniable, and she is here to spread the word that that peace and stillness is possible for all of us.

In a rustic spiritual retreat center surrounded by trees, birds, a cow, horse, goat and a dog, Ruth settles her tiny body and gigantic presence and gets to work. With a room of women representing all walks of life, four continents and thirteeen different stories, Ruth leads us all to the universal truths and messages we seek to integrate into our awareness.

We have come here as woman ready and willing to change. We are here to open our hearts to love. We are here to lay down our swords and pick up the olive branch of peace and extend it to ourselves.

Ruth leads us through the careful release of rage and the art of forgiveness, compassion, and empathy. She expertly moves us through the three and a half day retreat that begins at 7:00 AM each morning, and "ends" at 10:00 PM. Not a minute "wasted," not a second unintentional.

Cutting through all the pretense and BS, women introduce themselves and their struggles, and sleeves are rolled up. If you are not here to "deal" you are not here. The bravest, most honest, searching, open and at times desperate, these are the women that have gathered to do their work. We are women who are at crossroads. We are women contemplating motherhood, divorce, marriage, new careers, new callings. We are women who are killing ourselves with the toxicity of our inner rage. We are women who cry out in pain while simultaneously rejoicing with all that we know is good and true within us and the Universe.

With sensitivity, intuition, firmness and insistance, Ruth takes us each where we are on our paths, and moves us to where it is we seek to go. Where we each seek to go is deeper within ourselves, tapping into inner resources of calm, acceptance, resolution and forgiveness.

To share the particular process Ruth uses would not do it justice, and be confusing. It is best to say Ruth knows what she's doing. She's been doing this work with women for 13 years and has her "act" down. She does not miss a beat. She is fully in charge and commanding while remaining soft and open at all times. This is a woman doing what she has been called to do. That truth shines steadily and reassuringly, Ruth is a lighthouse to those of us in dark periods of our lives.

I invite you to check out Ruth's website, and attend one of her various workshops if you are the slightest bit "called" to do so. If you are called, Ruth will answer. I promise.

"You know you need help when...
1. Someone you care about won't forgive you.
2. Something or someone you love abuses you.
3. You have trouble following your own best judgment.
4. Your health is failing.
5. Someone you love leaves or dies.
6. You're not getting the recognition you feel you deserve.
7. You've out grown your job or your relationship but are having difficulty leaving.
8. Your aging parents who hurt you now need your help.
9. Someone steals your ideas or bad mouths you.
10. You are abusing others and feel ashamed.
11. You feel angry and helpless over the political situation in the US.
12. You stand aside, look away, or become indifferent when others are being harmed.
13. You resent that you put the needs of others before your own.
14. Someone confronts or attacks you.
15. A loved one has problems and you can't help them.
16. You're bored for no good reason.
17. You don't qualify for the job, the loan, shelter, or the next meal.
18. You betray yourself and those you care for again and again.
19. You don't feel worthy so you don't even try.
20. You are afraid to take action on your own behalf.
21. You're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
22. You feel like you are on the verge of a breakthrough and it frightens you.
23. Life is simply not enough.
24. You have difficulty telling the truth.
25. You feel alone and it frightens you.
26. You want your personal rage to work for, not against, you.
27. As smart as you are, you still keep doing the same darn things that you don't like.
28. Nothing in particular is wrong, you just wanna feel more alive, maybe even have a bit of fun."


Healing Rage

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


The Rage Retreat was AMAZING. All that I took in is still liquid, and I need just a little more time for it to set, before I can do it the justice it so deserves. So, you're going to get a little Top 10 list today...

TOP 10 WAYS YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ON RETREAT ANYMORE

10. You get to the airport early so you have time to shop for gifts for the kids.
9. There is nothing your son will like in any of the first 10 shops you go to.
8. You run around the airport like a crazy person until you finally find an Oakland Raiders mini football.
7. You take the tiny football to the counter and the woman says, "That'll be $16.99 plus tax."
6. You don't think twice about blowing twenty bucks on a ridiculous tiny football, but you do wonder how it can possibly be that expensive.
5. Before you get in the house you recover the football from your purse so you can give it to Rojo the second you walk in the door.
4. He is hiding (noisily) behind a couch and you have to "find him."
3. While you pretend to not know where he is, you grab scissors and cut the tags off the football, because you know if you don't, that's the first thing he will do, and he will cut into the football and you'll be sewing the damn thing immediately.
2. You make him pick a hand, he guesses correctly the football is in your left hand. You present the football excitedly.
1. He lights up when he sees it, gives it a squeeze and it begins shouting Raiders cheers. He throws the football on the ground (starting the cheers all over again) and tears up. Toys with noise are not his friend. You now know why the football cost $16.99 plus tax, and you cut open the football, throw in the outside garbage where he can see you doing it, the part that makes the noise, and sew the football back together before you have even had a chance to pee.

Thursday, September 13, 2007



Off "celebrating rage," stay tuned! I'll post again on Tuesday!

Monday, September 10, 2007



INTERCONNECTEDNESS STRIKES AGAIN

Just opened a new book to start reading (joy of joys) and found this amazing quote. I had just read Jennifer's blog, and she had an amazing quote from Lao Tzu, then I found an amazing quote by Lao Tzu, and, and, and... And of course Tao Te Ching means, "The Book of Changes," and of course I am in the midst of profound change, and, and, and, so it goes... Like I always say, there are no accidents!




Give up, and you will succeed.
Bow, and you will stand tall.
Be empty, and you will be filled.
Let go of the old, and let in the new.
Have little, and there is room to receive more.

The wise stand out,
because they see themselves as part of the Whole.
They shine,
because they don't want to impress.
They achieve great things, because they don't
look for recognition.
Their wisdom is contained in what they are,
not their opinions.
They refuse to argue,
so no one argues with them.

The Ancients said: "Give up and you will succeed."
Is this empty nonsense?
Try it.
If you are sincere, you will find fulfillment.

Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching (Book of Changes), Chapter 22 (Piatkus, 1995)

Sunday, September 09, 2007



NOT A MARK ON 'EM!

Haven't taken both the kids to the grocery store for so long, I'd forgotten why. Now I remember. Here's a snippet for your reading pleasure. Now, if you didn't know already, you'll understand why it's essential I remain fully caffeinated at all times.

FYI: C = me; L = my daughter, W = my son

BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE...

C: We only need four things at Safeway. Four. You can each pick out one treat, so that makes six. Does everyone fully understand the concept of "six?"

L: But what if it's not on the list but we really need it, and it's not a treat for me, but I want it, does that count?

W: I want my treat to be a maple doughnut and a maple bar, but I am only eating the frosting, don't forget. That is not two treats, that is one treat, because they are next to each other. Promise you won't forget that I want a maple bar and a maple doughnut. Promise that if they don't have maple doughnuts I can get two maple bars. Promise that that is only one treat. Promise, don't forget. Do you promise you won't forget? Do you promise we can get one maple doughtnut and one maple bar, or two maple bars and that is only one treat? Promise you won't forget?

C: I promise I won't forget.

GETTING OUT OF THE CAR, APPROACHING THE STORE...

C: L, please take these bags in for me, and put them in the recycling bin.

L: I'll do that, but if there's a pop machine right next to it, can I get a pop? Pop is a beverage, that's not a treat. Please, Mom, can I get a pop if I take the bags in for you?

C: No. Give me the bags. I'll carry the 2 ounces of plastic all by myself, thank you very much.

W: I want to pick the cart!

L: I want to pick the cart! Mom! Please? I never come to the store with you, and W always does. Isn't it my turn to pick the cart?

C: L, you are 13. Please bear that in mind. In the mean time, I will pick the cart.

IMMEDIATELY ENTERING THE STORE...

L: Oh, Mom, I see Oreo Cakesters! Please can we get Oreo Cakesters? They are 2 for $5.00, that's a REALLY good price, Mom! They don't count as my treat though, because they are for my lunches at school. We will need to get two boxes, since they are 2 for $5.00.

C: No Cakesters. And it is not against the law to only buy one of something that is 2 for ____.

L: But they might not let us, Mom, we better get two boxes, just in case.

C: No Cakesters.

W: Can we go get the maple doughnut and maple bar now, please, Mom, can we?

C: When we get to that part of the store, it's on the other side from where we are.

W: Can we just go to that side now, Mom? That is my favorite side! That is the side I love? I am in LOVE with that side of the store! Please, Mom, can't we go to that side of the store first? Promise? Don't forget! I LOVE that side of the store. It is my favorite part of the store. Promise, Mom, you will take me to my favorite part of the store first?

C: Fine.

W: Oh, THANK YOU, Mom! You are my sweet love! You are the best mom in the world! You are not mean like Lois on "Malcolm in the Middle," you are the best mom ever! Thank you for taking me to my favorite side of the store first!

L: I see Tide Free, Mom, we really need to get Tide Free. Remember how you said my excema is bad and we need to switch laundry detergent? That is tht kind I want, Mom. Can I go get some?

C: I already have some, we switched months ago.

L: Well, I will just get more in case we run out.

L: Oh! I REALLY need shaving cream for my legs, Mom. The kind you bought me makes my excema bad.

C: Use soap.

L: I can't possibly use soap!

C: I've been using soap for 44 years and never had a problem!

L: I CAN'T USE SOAP! Don't make me use soap! Soap runs off and then I cut myself. Do you want me to CUT myself?

C: Fine. One can.

L: But it's 2 for $5.00!

C: We've been through this...

L: FINE! I'll just get ONE can! Geez!

W: Can I get "Grips?" Mom? I LOVE Grips! I am in LOVE with Grips! Please, Mom, can I get Grips? Please? Grips are my FAVORITE!

C: No Grips. I am still cleaning up the orange residue all over the house from the last box of Grips.

W: But I will wash my hands this time! Please can we get Grips?

C: No Grips.

L: Mom, I TOTALLY need these markers for school.

C: You've been in school 2 1/2 days and I sent you with $50 worth of school supplies then, including markers.

L: But these are the markers I REALLY need, Mom. I'll just get them and then I'll have extra if someone doesn't have any. I'll share.

C: No markers.

The three of us proceeded this way until they fought over who gets to bag the groceries, who gets what in "their" bag, who gets to put it in the cart, etc. Our trip to get 4 items cost me $86.72. While it appears cuckoo, please keep in mind that all of L & W's words fell on top of each other. There is no "waiting for your turn to talk," when you have 2 kids with ADHD, off their meds and fully excited about the joys of grocery shopping. We nearly rammed our cart into people at least 10 times. We nearly were hit by a car in the parking lot twice. I nearly hurt someone with my bare hands countless times.

And lest you think Corona and lime were among the extras, don't kid yourself. Those were the first two items on my list of four!

Thursday, September 06, 2007



CAN YOU SPELL "FAMILY FUN?"

For years my family had been trying to persuade me into ordering cable TV. My argument had been, "You people already watch too damn much TV!" Besides, all anyone needed to watch was PBS, in my opinion. So for years I went on foolishly thinking I'd dodged a bullet. Ours would not be a house where children watched all those shows where kids were sassy to their parents, lived in 5 star hotels, or under the sea with their quarrelous friends. We would be a home filled with the angelic presence of all things PBS, never the wiser to the "real world." Check, check.

While I left the room thinking their minds were being shaped by "good TV," Rojo was devising devilish plans to sabotage me. Turns out all the thousands and thousands of dollars spent on Occupational Therapy had not been in vain! While he still couldn't use a pair of scissors or a pencil, he had more agility and swiftness with a remote control than the rest of the family combined. He'd hear my feet approaching and he'd quickly switch the channel from "The Maury Povich Show" back to PBS and stare at me with an innocent, "What's the problem?" look. The problem was my then first grader, became obsessed with a game he liked to call, "You are Not the Father!" Oh yea, it was great for entertaining the grandparents and neighbors, let me tell you! Nothing like a question of paternity to shake up a party!

So I caved. I agreed that watching ESPN was better than watching the crap he was sneaking, and his obsession took on new wings and flew. He became an expert on football, and both men's and women's basketball. He knew every team's colors and mascots, the players' numbers, the final scores of any given day, you know, really useful information that will all be on a future SAT test, I'm sure. He memorized how long the quarters were for high school, college and professional. He could tell you what the score was for each game, at the end of each quarter. His memory capacity knew no bounds, and his eagerness to share this minutiae equalled it.

The one thing that came of all this that we didn't expect, is the profound, and positive, effect on his reading and spelling skills. Long about the time the ESPN addiction took hold, so did his interest in showing the captions. The boy taught himself to read. The boy many thought would never be literate, is. ESPN, I love you. Whoever invented the whole caption idea for the hearing impaired? You're a genius. I love you, too.

As is always the case, when Rojo's obsessions are in full swing, they effect every member of the family. Now, because I am "always on the computer" according to my family, I've inherited the job of "doing the captions" for Rojo. For hours a day I am his stenographer. He plays sports, I record, verbatim, what he says. There is no cheating, he checks. There are pop quizzes every 2-3 minutes. Don't think I haven't fantasized about "fake" typing or at least composing e-mails during this time. No dice, my jailor is a wrathful one.

So, because not enough has been made of how minds like his work, I've decided to share with you all the latest snippet. You're going to want to get up now, put on your glasses, get fully caffeinated and settle yourself. This is not for the weary...



"And for the starting quarterback for Washington State, the quarterback for Toronto, Hamilton University, Tigers in Canadian football. Fresno State plays for the Bulldogs, Kentucky University. Kick off back to you. At 10 tonight we go to a store that sells Barney. We’ll get a Barney tonight at 10:00 we’ll go to 2 stores to find Barney, we’ll only get one, but we’ll just look at one place, we’ll just have to do it at the second place. And drops the ball back. We played 15 minutes today, with 8 minutes left. 15 min. quarter with 8 left on the clock. Washington State with the quarterback, it’s Washington State Cougars and University of Washington Huskies, playing right now.

7:23 to go, we’re going to have another 58 minutes. First ½ with more to go. We’re going to a store tonight at 10:00, it will be a miracle. We will find him. Trust me. We will find him. Steve, back to you. They played for Boise State and Ohio State University. OSU the Bulldogs and Louisiana State and Baltimore and Kentucky and Connecticut play for the Corn Huskers at Boston Tech. Mississippi State plays for the Bulldogs. SMU Mustangs. For the state of Rutgers, Louisiana Tech plays, Tennessee plays for Texas, North Carolina plays for the Golden Mustangs. Duke, Delaware, Portland, Toronto, San Jose, Fresno State, Bulldogs, Boise State played last Tuesday, vs. Blue Bulldogs. Georgia State, Texas Tech, Mustangs, SMU, Red Raiders. SMU played for Kentucky, played for Connecticut. Then Kentucky would play for LSU, they would play Portland State, and you know, the Bulldogs would play Portland State, because PSU plays for the Bulldogs, and Gonzaga is the Bulldogs. There are a lot of Bulldogs playing in High School. Indiana plays for Utah State, and Kentucky plays for Kansas.

Flag down, that will be a penalty on Washington State – penalty call. Taylor Monday will sit on the bench. There was a penalty, Taylor Monday will go to the penalty box, then he got fouled, then he went to the bench and sat out for the rest of the game. For the rest of the game he wouldn’t be in the rest of the game. 3:15 to go in the 1st half. In the 2nd they will play 7 minutes.

Friday at 6:30, we go at 6:30, and the game starts at 7:00. You kinda go to Cleveland High School then go to the high school field, and you’ll see the high school teams playing for 12 minute quarters. The college doesn’t have a field, when you go over to Washington State College, then you’ll see a team they are playing.

2:05 to go to the half. 55 seconds left in the 1st. 30 seconds left, 29, 28… but he goes with the ball, doesn’t have it in his hands, but he does have it, and a touch down! Touch down Washington State.

That would be flag down. Ready go!

2:55 to go in the 2nd half, with a 3 minute quarter in the 2nd. 2:22 to go, and 2:18 to go.

2:05 to go, and you know, here comes the ball back to Washington State. He doesn’t get the ball, but Washington University gets the ball. That will be another flag down. Now watch that throw. You can see bouncing it off his hands. Now he’s right here and he crawls to get the ball, and he caught it! And there he goes again, and still doesn’t catch the ball. There you go, he doesn’t get it! And he tries again, and still a fumble. Now he runs it, goes past it, and 1:02 to go in the 2nd.

But he goes at the ball, 50 seconds left. 45 seconds left. Let’s count how many fumbles. 1,2,3,4… There goes the 9th fumble.

Mmmmmrrrr crrrrrr. Mmmmmmrrrr crrrrr… He goes, he shoots, he scores! Bzzzzzz Crrrrrrrr mmmmmmm

5 to 2 and he’s going to make the extra point. Final score 8 to 2!"