Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I'm feeling very NOS tonight. Not Otherwise Specified. We with "special" kids get to use fun acronyms like NOS when what the "experts" are really saying is, WTF. I guess WTF is not well-accepted in the medical community. It. Should. Be.

Anyway, back to me (see? I'm trying to scoot over on the narcissism continuum) I'm feeling sad-ish. Not sad, sad, not grumpy, not angry, just NOS.

I need to read a book about the "No one ever believes me" phenomenon that has been the story of my life. Is there a book out there? If I had a nickel for every time I've tried to blow the whistle on someone and I've been doubted, at best, and called a liar, at the worst, I'd be a RICH and doubted woman, which just HAS to suck less than plain old doubted.

It's like Lucy and Charlie Brown. I'm Charlie, always willing to try again, even though history has PROVEN the results will not work in my favor. Lucy will yank that football, Charlie will go DOWN. I will try AGAIN to tell someone a deep truth, someone I believe will believe me, and they don't.

No one believed me when I said my dad was an alcoholic. Until they planned his intervention.

Nobody believed that a person we all knew was evil with a capital E. Until the evil came their way.

Nobody believed me when I said something was very, very wrong with my son. Until they made me hire every specialist in the metro area.

Nobody believes me when I tell them someone I know and love has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They believe I must be the crazy one. The NPD believes this too. That is their strength. It would be easier to go along with them than to continue to be the clanging gong everyone is tired of listening to.

Someday they will see it. Someday the NPD will slip up and I will not be alone with what I know.

Until then? It's lonely being "right."

God, how I wish I were wrong.


Drama Mama said...

I feel you here. Boy, do I feel you.

Do you think, in these situations, we should try M'ON's post today - minding our own business. It got me thinking...

Yars said...

I believe.

Suzy said...

I've believed you.



Nancy said...

You said in a previous post, "I cannot change a narcissist. I can only change my attitude, my disposition, when needing to deal with them." The knowledge is useful only if you use it to change how you interact with this person. I thought that was great wisdom.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Drama: Yes, I think minding our own business is the route to take, but there seem to be times, especially when it comes to our spouses or children, when it IS your business, and getting someone to believe you is more than just a nice touch, it's essential to getting the help you need.

Nancy: Thank you. Yes, good reminder. That is where my struggle is. If I could choose to just NOT deal with this person, that would be wonderful, but this person has been in my life for more than 2 decades, and will always be, no matter how I choose to deal with them. I definitely need to work on my attitude, but I also need help. When the help I need won't believe that I need that help, that leaves me feeling really isolated.

La La said...


From what I know about you, you are highly intuitive and perceptive. You see and feel and sense things (and you do the reading and research to find out what it is that you are actually sensing) that others don't see and don't want to see. You probably score off the charts on the Myers/Briggs N and P, I'm guessing.

I've been told that just my presence exposes people, and they don't like it. (Well, who would, and I don't do it intentionally. Okay, well, sometimes I do.) It's so yucky because my heart's desire is to just want things to be right, to be healed, and to be in healthy relationships. A lot of people don't really want this, and it's too bad.

I love you. I like you. I REALLY, TRULY BELIEVE YOU.

Tell the naysayers to "be more kinder."

Kathryn said...

Trust yourself. You can speak your truth but it doesn't mean others will listen and some of them can't hear it. What they do with it is up to them. Period.

If it's important to blow the whistle and get help though, just ask to be led to the right person for help. I believe you will find it.

BTW, I just love WTF.

Autistic Spectrum Disorder, WTF. Yes!

holly said...

I believe you.

Terry Whitaker said...

Challenging you or questioning you and not believing you are two different things. I think friends should challenge one another on occasion. Don't you?

Anonymous said...

I hear you. And I believe you. And I completely sympathize. Doctors never belive me when I tell them something is wrong.

Hang in there Carrie, you are not alone.

Erin in Boston, MA

Anonymous said...

Love you Carrie. I believe you. I love how you believe yourself too. That makes all the difference.


riversgrace said...

Ever heard the saying - no one is a prophet in their own home town?

Those closest to us rarely 'see' us for who we are. We're just the old familiar, the projection that has grown and solidified for decades.

That's the work of validating yourself. Deep, quiet, soulful work.

AND find those who DO give you a clear reflection.


Go Mama said...

You know what you know. There is power in holding your truth.

The hard part is allowing others to be where they are, esp if they are in opposition to you or doubt what you know to be true. This is a classic.

The next question is, what do you do about it, for you?

BTW, I believe you too.

kario said...

Sucks to be awarded posthumously, doesn't it? Especially when you're too mature to say "I told you so."

Love you.

Deb said...

So what is the real question? We believe you - completely, without question or doubt. But it sounds like the one person you need to believe you - the person who might help you - doesn't. What can be done for that?

Or is the disbelief happening so that you will have a chance to strengthen your own belief muscles?

Love you.

shauna said...

No one wants to be right after the pain goes down. I believe you. And I hope for the best for you and yours!