Tuesday, January 15, 2008


My husband was curious as to why I read a whole book on narcissism. "That's quite a commitment to understanding others," he said.

"I didn't read it only to understand THEM, I also read it to understand ME."

"Did it help?" he asked.

"A ton," I answered.

Shortly after that exchange I was sent this quote from one of my favorite sites, Inspiration Peak, home of the love. t-shirt.

"He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts." Dr. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

No accidents.

I cannot change a narcissist. I can only change my attitude, my disposition, when needing to deal with them.

And dealing with everyone else on the planet, too, including myself. Sometimes dealing with myself is the biggest obstacle to overcome. But even with myself, a tweak of the disposition can make a difference.

A difference.

A shift.

A budge in the right direction.

Enough to gain momentum.

Momentum begets momentum.

After that it's all up to gravity.


Anonymous said...

This kind of goes hand in hand with something I was reading in my book A PATH WITH HEART by Jack Kornfield this morning. He was writing about how we can accept and use the pain and difficulties in our life as ways to build our courage and strength. That when we fight these difficulties we miss the opportunity to grow. In shifting our perception of these difficulties we help ourselves deal with them better.

cheryl said...

Beautiful Carrie, a Narcissist will rarely get it...view themselves as a hero or the victim when things start to change in a relationship.
Psychic boundries can be so hard to protect. Knowing your inner truth, your authentic self gives us the tools to learn and grow from the Narcissist. In the book Controlling People (not an accident this in my office) Patricia Evans states "It is our freedom to define ourselves." It seems so obvious, yet for me, I am still growing. As you know, change is a process, at least true change.
Your words are powerful and can help so many people.

Go Mama said...

This is a big shift! Glad to hear you are still reflecting on this and sharing it with all of us.

At its core, a narcissist can teach US to erect personal boundaries, to not bleed out our lifeforce to others, to recognize the very strengths we gave away and refocus them back to our center, and to see when a relationship is so off-balance that it needs to either be called out and rebalanced or dropped in order to stop feeding their voracious and insatiable needs.

If we don't dance with a narcissist, there is no dance. At least, not with us.

So, where do all the narcissists go if no one will dance with them??

(((silent echo)))

riversgrace said...

Mighty good work. Peeling layers, insight and understanding.

When no means yes the other way around.

Terry Whitaker said...

These comments are as good as the post!

Kapuananiokalaniakea said...

I agree with Go Mama as to narcisists being teachers. I know that I have learned A LOT from the ones that I have had in my life, mostly about me. It has been excruciatingly difficult for me to rebalance these relationships and, as a result, the narcicists in my life are dwindling.

Nancy said...

I'm going to read this post at least once a day! Such insight and wisdom and teaching. Thank You Carrie.

Jess said...

I think I should read that book (can I borrow it?), or at least have coffee with you soon and talk about it. I am pretty stumped about how to balance anything in my relationship with my dad....

Listening to Kris D. Five Stories.... Ya know getting you to like my music inspires me to listen to it more. :)