Carrie Link

HOPING FOR COPING

I'm Paxil-free these days, after six years of daily dosing and six LONG, HELLISH, BRUTAL, NEVER AGAIN weeks of withdrawal! (BTW, thank you to so many of you that expressed concern!) I originally went off the meds cold turkey, but then was (wisely) advised that was not smart, and did a taper off. I got it all the way down to five little milligrams but when I went from 5 to zero, I still went into a total heroin-like withdrawal cycle that seriously, I think should be considered a viable form of capital punishment.

So. I'm feeling good these days. Really good. Giddy good. Good, good and more good.

So many people have asked me about why I started taking them in the first place, and why did I choose to stop. It's a little like the question of, "What happened?" It's complicated.

I got a little annoyed, actually my pain body became activated, last week when Oprah got on her high horse remarked on the webcast with Eckhart Tolle, that we live in a culture where people just pop a pill to avoid their emotions. I think that does a gross disservice to her audience when she says stuff like that. While that may be true for some, I have never met a person that did not strongly, carefully, and with great hesitation, consider taking psychiatric medications. It's the same beef I have with those in the media that say we DRUG our children, rather than dealing with them. Again, some may do that, but I dare say the HUGE majority of parents consider this a LAST resort, not a first, and unless you've been in a situation that calls for this kind of decision, you aren't allowed to vote. Period.

So, in a nutshell, I went on my meds six years ago when my anxiety was debilitating. I don't mean when it was a tad uncomfortable. I don't mean when I felt a little edgy. I mean when I was DEBILITATED by it. Going to the ER with panic attacks thinking I was dying, unable to eat, sleep, drive a car, care for my children, DEBILITATED. That's when I went on meds. And I'm glad I did and I'd make that same choice all over again. Definitely. I did not have the LUXURY of "feeling my emotions," and "just being with them." Six years ago I had a five year old with needs so special I couldn't place him in a school, not even the ones for "kids like him." I had a seven-year-old that needed a mother. I had a husband that needed a wife. I did not have the opportunity to "deal" with what was bothering me at that time, I could only survive. I could only cope. I could not transcend. I could not plummet the depths of my emotions for deeper meaning. It. Was. Not. An. Option.

But now it is. Now coping is not the order of the day. Resolving is.

There are times to cope and times to resolve. Period. And don't let anyone try and tell you otherwise.