Saturday, April 26, 2008


According to the science of astrology, all of us fall into one of twelve signs, and each of those twelve signs fall into one of four categories. Although I am Aquarius, The Water Bearer, Aquarius is an air sign.

That pretty much sums it up. I'm an odd mix of seemingly two opposites. Someone told me the other day they felt I was becoming stronger, and gentler, both at the same time. I took that as a huge compliment. That's how it feels on the inside, too.

I'm stronger about what I know to be true. And one of the things I know to be true, is that that truth must be self-determined. Each of us must find our own. It can't be begged, borrowed or stolen. It must be ours, outright, from the depths of our soul. I'm becoming gentler in allowing others the time and space to find their truth, and less anxious to shove mine down their throat. I've still got a ways to go on that.

I am researching agents that might help me take my truth and put it out into the world. I am finding that my truth strikes a nerve, or a chord with others, depending on how you look at it. There go those seemingly opposite notions again.

Can a chord and a nerve be the same thing?

Is it worth reading anything that doesn't make us twitch and nod in agreement, both?

Just how far am I willing to go to share my truth? Am I willing to be judged, shamed, shunned? And, perhaps just as hard to imagine and accept, is the possibility that others will validate and recognize my truth as part of their own. Am I ready for that?

I used to think that fire was a symbol of destruction. I am now looking at fire as a symbol of purification, transformation, and renewal.

As I move through another revision of my manuscript I take the pages I am done with, crumble them up and set them on fire. Sometimes literally, but more often figuratively. All those pages that were written and didn't "go anywhere," were they a waste? Or were they just part of the process? In their burning there is purification. The words that rise from the ashes are the truest words of all.




Anonymous said...

by Tom Conry

We rise again from ashes, from the good we've failed to do. We rise again from ashes to create ourselves anew. If all the world is ashes, then must opur lives be true, an offering of ashes, an offering to you.
We offer you our failures, we offer you attempts, the gifts not fully given, the dreams not fully freamt. Give our stumblings direction, give our visions wider view, an offering of ashes, an offering to you.
Then rise again from ashes, let healing come to pain, though spring has turned to winter, and sunshine turned to rain. The rain we'll use for growing, and create the world anew from an offering of ashes, an offering to you.
Thanks be to the Father, who made us like himself. Thanks be to his Son, who saved us by his death. Thanks be to the Spirit who creates the world anew from an opffering of ashes, an offering to you.

Take what you will from this song. I think ther are parts of it that might speak to you. Anyway it's my offering to you.

La La said...

You go, GIRLFRIEND! I'm rooting for you.

Michelle O'Neil said...

I don't think your pages were a waste. They built your muscles, preparing you for what lies ahead.

paul maurice martin said...

"...truth must be self-determined. Each of us must find our own. It can't be begged, borrowed or stolen."

I very much agree - in fact my book's first title was "A First-Hand Faith" and the only reason it was changed is another book's out with that title!

David said...

there is the theory of that the less you work on something, the more it is worked on. I believe in that.

Deb said...

No accidents! Nothing wasted! It's all perfect. Just like you. You are the perfect Carrie, doing the perfect work for this time and place.

Terry Whitaker said...

I never used to believe that truth was self-determined. Now I realize that not only is truth self-determined, but it is less difficult to stand for it once you realize it.

riversgrace said...

Showing up for the process is the point, all the not-knowing and continuing to show up anyway. Listening and growing trust in each step and stage.

The more you learn about your truth, the more you can show up without having an agenda. That's when it gets interesting.

Jenny said...

The chord and the nerve - cool insight!

kario said...

Having watched you work through this process over the last year or so, I can say that each step, each word, each page has been a necessary step on this path of yours. The beauty of your story is that it both resonates with others and brings them to a new understanding of the music in the words. Refining the work is important, but only insofar as it strengthens your ability to tell your truth.


Go Mama said...

Sounds like you're in the middle of such an amazing process C. Blessings all around you...for doing the good work.

And btw, yes, sometimes, just sometimes, I like to just be entertained and or just plain moved in someone else's story. Can't be all hard work and growth all the time. Sometimes it's about enjoying the moment of the journey or connecting to another's journey and finding either our humanity in common or our not-at-all similar humanity. Yes?

Embracing imbalance, embracing brokenness, embracing where we all differ...that IS interesting too. Doesn't have to strike a chord or a nerve. Can just be. Simple as that.

Detachment from outcome or outer acknowledgment/rewards is the hardest path for me. Still climbing that one daily.

Enjoy your progress. You deserve to celebrate!