Sunday, April 06, 2008


"Your identity is built over your lifetime from the core outward; 'core beliefs' are the ones learned early on. Core beliefs are deeper, more fundamental, and harder to change than the outer layer ones. Changing core beliefs is potentially threatening to your identity, because you have built your life around the core. Changing a core belief could be like changing the foundation of a house: hard to do without tearing away some of the house." Max Highstein

With wild abandon I jab, cut, remove cords that tie me to people with whom I no longer choose to be tied. These energetic ties are strong, but they've got nothing on the strength of my beliefs, particularly those that are old, old, OLD.

What are the beliefs I hold at my core? On what is my "house" built? I have worked so hard to eradicate these, but they are stubborn little balls of "ick" that lie in my center, and bring doubt and confusion to what I truly "know."


10) Sharing good news is bragging, and simply not done.

9) My happiness is selfish.

8) Give, give, give then give some more, and don't complain. To whom much has been given, much is expected.

7) There is scarcity. I must "feed" everyone first, and then IF there's anything left over, I may eat.

6) Hiding my light under a bushel is the humble/modest/only thing to do.

5) If others aren't getting what they want, I shouldn't be getting what I want. This life is a race and we must all arrive at the finish line at exactly the same time, because while it's a race, I want everyone to "tie."

4) I can and should cheer others up. I can't be happy until they are. The gloomier someone's outlook is, the harder I need to try, and the longer my own happiness will just have to wait.

3) Life's not fair. Some people are lucky and some people aren't. I'm lucky, and that's not fair. I must minimize my luck to balance it with others misfortune.

2) We are all where we are because of the choices we make, but it's my job in the world to make sure everyone makes good choices. I have power over the choices of others.

1) I can make others big by making myself small.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have been raised a "Catholic". No surprise you were drawn to Hloy Family "Cathloic" School as a choice for your kids. You know so they could fill they shoes as well.
Keep tearing.

MOM-NOS said...

Sometimes it physically hurts to read your blog, it hits so close to home. That sounds like criticism, but it's actually thanks.

Anonymous said...

Changing core beliefs, true change is difficult, but not impossible. The toughest part of the battle is really being able to identify what your core beliefs are. You are clearly way ahead, as far as that goes. Having an awareness of what your core beliefs are, and an awareness of what you would like to be different is a HUGE step in the process. Observing and watching yourself as you begin to make these changes is the next. You are the expert in your own personal transformation. Keep chipping and tearing away at the OLD stuff. You will get there, I promise.
Love and more love.

lo said...


Anonymous said...

I share a lot of those beliefs you mentioned in your post. They are incredibly difficult to let go of, because then, who am I? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Sometimes I think I know and then it slips away
from me, sitting just out of my reach.

Go Mama said...

These are big discoveries, Carrie. Deep work here. And I am smiling as I read these as they are so universally experienced.

I often wonder if some of these core beliefs were a result of the war generation mentality... humility, scarcity, fear, staying hidden for safety, survival as a race/group rather than as an individual, trying not to be discovered, more fear...

Nonetheless, you're absolutely right. They are no longer valid now. You are doing this work with so much clarity. Enjoy the renovation.

Kapuananiokalaniakea said...

It's funny how we feel ourselves to be so small and unworthy and yet, at the same time, we expect ourselves to have the power and wisdom to uplift all people everywhere.
How's that supposed to work?!
Good list!

Anonymous said...

I see #2 but that is it. What you say you feel in your core is not the way others see you living. Maybe you've already torn away more than you think. Keep moving to your light.

Anonymous said...

Dear #1 Anon,
Being Catholic is all about Jesus. Jesus is all about unconditional
L O V E turned outward AND inward. This list does not sound "Catholic" to me AT ALL!

lo said...

these anonymous comments are confusing:)

Robin said...

Carrie, I say this in love...

Your core beliefs BITE!

I know you already know that. Keep working through it!

Amber said...

Oh, so many of these are/were me, as well. But change CAN happen. Keep on keepin' on in the direction you want to go. It is possible to change the "foundation", or at least the effects on the foundation. But we just need to keep upon Pest Control. Because those little bugs try and sneak back in, those beliefs. They think they belong there, but they DON'T. ;)

...To Anonymous #1: I don't get your comment. It sounds so much like a judgment, which is funny to me. Ironic, no? I mean, it is such a "catholic" trait, to judge.*snort* I get so tired of people attributing all of our hangs ups in the world all to religion. You know, not ALL of the stuff people deal with comes from being mislead in church.

And really, who are YOU to say anything about her motives for where she sends her child to school, as if it is a mistake? In fact, who ARE you? If you don't have the balls to say something in your own name, who cares what you think at all? People who just go around dropping little "anonymous" bombs are pathetic. Have the integrity and maturity to stand behind your words.


Deb said...

The really cool thing about this is that you can see what those core beliefs are. There is no hoping of changing them until they're named and until the deepest core of you feels safe enough to risk new beliefs. I'm so proud of you! Love and love again.

Anonymous said...

You need to read THE FOUNTAIN HEAD now and learn how to live a honest lfe. We are not all equal. Your core believes are for second handers and you are not a second hander. If you deny your gifts and desires you should give up now.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Dear One of the Anonymouses,

I ordered THE FOUNTAIN HEAD. Thanks for the rec.


shauna said...

I share many of those core beliefs. Last year I worked with a rapid eye technician who helped me eliminate some of my core beliefs, but a few hang on (with clenched fingers). I need to revisit her and finish them off, because as robin said, they do bite.