Monday, June 12, 2006

to WIFE #2
  • He can complain, you cannot.
  • Your methods of relaxing must look identical to his, and coincide perfectly to his work/relax rhythm.
  • He can fart in bed, you cannot.
  • He can be moody and pout, you must remain even-tempered and delightful at all times.
  • Remain patient and calm as each new day you tell him where he left his keys, cell phone and wedding ring.
  • Prepare a lot of meat, but make sure there are no cooking odors associated with the preparation.
  • Prepare three hot, well-balanced meals a day, and keep them varied. Just make sure they all resemble the five dishes he is willing to eat.
  • If he empties the dishwasher, throw him a parade.
  • Appreciate that he does not do anything in excess.
  • Appreciate that he is always where he says he is, and will always be where you tell him to be, and never late.
  • Appreciate that he loves you, and even though he doesn't say it, he knows he "scored" when he married you.
  • Appreciate that he is trustworthy with his time, attention, money and decisions.
  • Appreciate that he is worth far more dead than alive, so when you're ready to kill him, make it look like an accident.


Anonymous said...

gotta love that last line...thought about using it....regarding my feelings toward several friends' exes

Michelle O'Neil said...

I don't get it? Is this a letter to your husband's future wife? Or to your ex-husband's current wife?

Every time my friend's husband, "Dick" did something awful, I used to tell her, "Don't worry. Your next husband will be much different." Let's hope so!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

This is for my husband's NEXT wife, bless her heart!

Anonymous said...

The last one i thought about several times.LOL

Anonymous said...

I'm not giving the next wife any tips. She's on her own. T

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