Carrie Link

DON'T BEAT THE PUPPY

Imagine this scene...

I am in a bath of kosher sea salts, I am cleansing, purifying, getting my energy right. There are candles aglow all around. I am alone in the house. I am listening to Jack Kornfield's "Mediatation for Beginners" CDs. I am determined to learn meditation. How hard can it possibly be to quiet my mind for FIVE fucking minutes? Hmmmm... way harder than I ever thought.

I do the breathing, I am trying so hard, I am soaking in sea salts in a quiet, peaceful room for heaven's sake! Jack keeps bringing me back. He tells me, "It is OK if the mind wanders, it is normal, treat the mind like a puppy. Put the puppy on the newspapers, when the puppy walks off, pull the puppy back, over and over again. Be gentle with the puppy, DON'T BEAT THE PUPPY!" That was the last straw. I dissolved into laughter. C'mon, don't beat the puppy? How can one meditate after an image like that? Not that puppy beating is in any way funny, it's not, it's pathetic and depraved, but nonetheless, I am finding it hysterical. I've got a whole "Don't beat the puppy" rap going on in my head to the tune of "Who let the dogs out." "Don't beat the puppy, bam, bam, don't beat the puppy, bam, bam..."

I'm pretty sure this in not what Jack Kornfield intended. I'm pretty sure quieting the mind did not mean invent new words to already annoying tunes. I'm pretty sure I'd better lower the bar and set my intent to meditate for 1 minute. Rome wasn't built in a day, and my restless mind won't quiet in a day, either.