Sunday, August 06, 2006

It's already been established that I am the worst mom ever, so it won't surprise you to know that I have my kids on the all-junk food diet. I figure with the number of preservatives they consume in a day, they both ought to live to 1,000. A friend suggested that I try to get EFAs (essential fatty acids) into their systems, one way or another. I could give them supplements, I could massage them directly into their skin, or if nothing else, pour a little in the bathtub.
Off I went to the nearest health food store, I was told to get cod liver oil from Norway, the purest/most expensive one they had. Check, check, found the bottle, mortgaged the house, and away I went. That night I poured the smallest pour imaginable in my son's bath. He took the bath, none the wiser, and I swear, his hair had a sheen to it that wasn't there before.
"This is a piece of cake!" I thought to myself.
"I'm a f'ing genius! Who knew it could be so easy?"
I tried to towel him off, but the towel kept sliding off his oily body. He jumped into clean pajamas, and eventually into his nice, clean, fresh smelling bed.
The next morning every time anyone got near my son, they commented on his stench.
"Why does he smell like fish?" My husband inquired.
"Oh, just a little experiment gone wrong," I answered, trying to avoid all mention of fish oil.
"Oh my God!" my tween daughter shouted each time she summitted the steps. Why does the whole upstairs stink like fish?
"It's not that bad, is it?" I answered, while simultaneously dousing the tub with bleach.
Still, the stench continued. I washed the towel, pajamas, the boy, the bedding, the tub. I again washed the towel, pajamas, the boy, the bedding and the tub. The "stench" was definitely down graded to an "odor", but was in no way gone.
Now it has been well over a week. The bathroom window has been open the entire time. Scented candles have been lit. Bleach, hot water and prayers have been offered to the fish smell, but it refuses to part. It loves it here. It has made our house its home.
Tarter sauce, anyone?


All About Your Health!! said...

I told you not to use that sh%$!! Do you not listen...the smell was so terrible I thought I would VOMIT and that had nothing to do with The Bone!! Go to flax/primrose and toss that other crap OUT or return it. AND, if the little bugger will take pills, go that route...faster, cheaper and so on.

Reverse Stalker said...

...try this...strong tea bath...something like a green tea for it's astrigence...Wil won't be sorry!

Carrie Wanna Be said...

You are not the worst mother, STOP IT!

Anonymous said...

Spray the house with Old Spice After Shave, that'll do it.

Anonymous said...

I'll be sure and not bring the 3 cats over to visit.

Anonymous said...

If you still want to move forward on this, lets talk. I did this, put it away, did it again, gave up, doing it now,


and you are not the worst mother, where would I be without you!

Anonymous said...

can't you just give him some salmon? or add the oil to a fruit smoothie?

Michelle O'Neil said...

Sounds a little the The Cat in the Hat. Now you got it on the tub and the towels and soon it will line your washing machine, etc.

There is an omega 3 supplement called Coromega. It is in little packets like ketchup, it tastes like orange frosting. You can get it at the healthfood store. Maybe Rojo would eat it? It doesn't taste bad at all. My kids love it. They pretend it's a "go-gurt" (how sad are they) since they can't have any of that pre-packaged stuff.

kario said...

baking soda will get any odor out of anything. Throw a little into your washing machine and a little into your son's bathtub. I swear I buy it in bulk at the natural grocery store and use it for everything.

And if letting your kids eat junk food qualifies you for the worst mother in the world award, it's a good thing you don't beat them!

Anonymous said...

This is a lay-up.
Nordic Natural's sells lemon/orange flavored
capsules that can be swallowed, no problem.
If they accidentally pop, they taste good!
I've been forcing them down my 3 fish haters
mouths for years! FYI, my kids are no picnic,
but this is one thing I can do.

Molly said...

ok, that's to f'ing funny. Thought I'd stop by to see what was up with ya'll and I'm glad I did. Oh, you may be the worst mother BUT... I'm the meanest mom.