Wednesday, August 09, 2006

THE PREFERRED SPOUSE REVISITED
I've been getting some interesting feedback on my concept of the preferred spouse. I've had everything from "the whole term sucks" to "go bigger with that", and everything inbetween.
This week a friend called and suggested the concept be extended like this:
1) Couples entering into marriage/partnership identify the preferred spouse(s).
2) Each person then embraces this preferred spouse as their best ally, their optimum counselor, shepherd through the marriage, advocate.
3) If men, in particular, could maximize the info. contained within the P.S.'s knowledge base, they could skip a lot of unnecessary guessing/fuming/pouting/etc. and get some great ideas on how to go about rectifying the situation at hand.
4) Think of the savings of time, energy, therapy, and wear and tear on the psyche.
5) The key is to embrace the P.S., and not compete.
What do you think? Is this possible? Would men ever go for this? Would women? Would preferred spouses? Huh?

14 comments:

jennifer said...

The word "preferred" sets up the competition. It is a verb: to like (one thing or person) better than another or others; tend to chose : I prefer Venice to Rome.

Preferred is not an inclusive word and if you attach to spouse, there's just not a whole lotta wiggle room. It says "I PREFER HER OVER YOU!!!" and in this culture...all about possession of the love interest and competition and limited thinking...well, here you go, first class and fast arrive at war verses understanding.

Many of our partners are quite "literal" as well and this "preferred" thing sets up a literal interpretation as..."she likes that one better than me." It's threatening and a person in a place of feeling threatened, has a tendency to be defensive...trust me, I know....defensive is my MIDDLE name...but we are not talking about me.

Maybe...and I'm just brain storming here...think about reworking the term to be something like "Carrie interpreter" or "Carrie Mediation Expert" or "Spousal Support Team Member" or "Relationship Advocate"

Again, it's your world, girl friend but that's my 12 cents.

Reverse Stalker said...

We'll, I'm off to get those Africanis on your team and I think I'm just the girl to do it, as I LOVE tea and they LOVE tea and well, I think I can learn a lot. I'm leaving my twin, Back At'cha to keep an eye on you and of course, I will check in. I think I will extend my trip to a year old global trek in search of the best tea (and maybe I'll learn a bit about life too!). I owe this shift in my life to you, Carrie Link! Love you.

Back At'cha said...

Love this post, love the ideas, going with 'niffer on the terminology though...hope she doesn't mind going by 'niffer! It's just too cute!

Carrie Wilson Link said...

'niffer - you are a PIECE OF WORK! Do I get all the credit for that, I hope!?

good wife said...

I like what Jennifer said...I think my husband would be hurt, change that, I KNOW he would be hurt if anyone else was "preferred"

Anonymous said...

Does your preferred spouse have to be the opposite sex? Can you have your husband and then have your very good friend be your preferred spouse?

And if you did....would that make you a heterosexual in homosexual marriage?

Anonymous said...

does Stan read this blog?

Terry Whitaker said...

I like changing the name of the PS as well.

I'd love to hear from some of your other readers as to their ideas about HOW to get the husband to use the SST (Spousal Support Team Member) to help the marriage.

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