Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I AM FREE?
Not sure if it was the tone in my voice as we spoke on the phone, or the actual words, but none-the-less, my friend was able to detect a sense of angst. She called back a little later and said, "Are you feeling trapped?"
"Why?" I answered, by not answering.
"No, don't ask another question. Let me ask again, and tell me what comes up for you when I ask it. Are you feeling trapped?"
"YES!" I nearly screamed.
She suggested I get a piece of paper, and on that piece of paper, write "I am free" 25 times. Then, go to the mirror, look at myself, and say, "I am free" 25 times.
"Great! Good idea, I'm on it!" I assured her, and myself.
1. I am f...
"MOM! That's my phone and he won't give it to me!" My daughter enters the room I am in and screams.
2. I am...
"Mom! I want to hold that phone! I love that phone! It is blue! I love the blue phone! I hate the black phone! I need to hold the blue phone so I can answer it when someone calls me!" (NOBODY calls this boy - it ain't gonna happen.)
3. I am fr..
Telephone rings, it's my husband, wants me to talk to him, brighten his day, give him a little pick-me-up. No can do.
4. I...
Phone rings again, it's my mother, needs me to check something immediately on the Internet, life or death situation.
5. I am fre...
"MOM! He still won't give me the blue phone! Will you just get him his own phone! Why does everybody use my phone? It is my phone, I don't understand why it can't just be for me!"
As I launch into how pitiful her story is, and how my heart f'ing bleeds for the state of her life, the doorbell rings. It's DHL dropping off something, but the dog goes crazy and my son does not accept that I don't need to go talk to the delivery person, that it is OK if he just leaves the package by the door. We argue for what seems like an eternity, before I remember the more important task at hand.
6. I am ...
"MOM!!!"
7. I am trapped.

13 comments:

Suzy said...

I LOVE # 2. I'll call Rojo.
You are too funny!

trapped in a free spirit...is that possible? said...

"free" is such a loaded word...it always seems to be no matter how it is used

might be a good topic for your next post?

and no Carrie, you not free!...at least not 100%, 100% of the time...certainly not today...tomorrow doesn't look good either

Go Mama said...

Hun,
No mother is totally free. We give our heart away piece by piece. Ultimately, I am hoping it just gets bigger...the heart that is, not the trap.

I'm still working on it too....

Back At'cha said...

What idiot told you that? You are so trapped, you will be lucky to sleep tonight...my guess, your husband will be there, clawing at you as soon as the kiddies go down and you'll be "going down" to perk him up.

Paulie Ana said...

Well, honestly, what did you expect...after all...it is the "woman's" job to tend the home...no one said it was fun. Freedom?

The job of selflessness is all the freedom you will ever need.

And you can quote me!

Carrie Wanna Be said...

Why don't you call...I am there for YOU!!!

Your kids will love me and your dog will love me and your man will never notice that I'm not you because I am just like you...dress like you, talk like you, think like you...come on....call!!!

Freedom is a phoner away.

Anonymous said...

Wow....I can't wait to have kids - you make it sound like so much fun.

kario said...

My hours of freedom come after the kids are asleep and before my husband stops emailing his colleagues for the day. Wait until school starts, Carrie and you might be able to write a few sentences. If not, have a cup of coffee and make your husband call Rojo to get his pick-me-up. Maybe it will work for both of them.

Anonymous said...

does the blue phone have a special phone number? if so, give it to us and we'll all take turns calling Rojo...right everyone? I'll take Thursdays...let me know the time so you can plan for your freedom...I should last about 20 minutes which is just long enough for you to make all the beds

the truth said...

nothing is free...everything has a price!

Suzy said...

I'll take Mondays with Rojo! Can you get him his own cell phone?

Terry Whitaker said...

You have a DOG??????

Anonymous said...

Hey Back At'cha
What is your Problem???You are a very unhappy and bitchy Person.I do feel sorry for you.M