Carrie Link

HEAL OVER

I'm just beginning to come out of my post-workshop fog. It's a good fog. A happy fog. A fog of deep satisfaction, but nonetheless, a fog. Don't know my name exhaustion. Emotions running the gamut from happier than I've ever been, to recovery of repressed experiences I'm none too happy to have unburied.

Whatever it is you don't want to write about, whatever it is your heart says, "No, anything but that," write it. Let the rubble fall. You'll never truly heal until you get to the bottom of your source of pain. Damn.

Easy words for me to spout to others, so f'ing hard for me to do myself.

"But I am not a sexual trauma survivor," has been my pat phrase. I've got all of the empathy and none of the personal and profound experience. Perfect! Best of both worlds!

Sharing a story in a hot tub of safety a story transfolds. One I've never even told myself, let alone another. Never let myself categorize it as "story-worthy,", had it in the "don't touch this memory with a ten foot pole" spot in my long-term memory.

The f'ing story falls from my lips, into the warm salty water, tears we are soaking in. Tears of each others', tears not shed from our own eyes.

The dot-to-dot of my life finally connects.

F'ing dot-to-dot.

We all send a favorite song of ours to Jess. Music girl, Jess will put a CD together for us, one to take from the workshop and listen to long after our voices are gone.

"Write a blog on why you chose the song you chose," one suggests.

I chose KT Tunstall's, "Heal Over."

I was supposed to be giving encouragement to OTHER women, women with trauma. Women with the worst experiences a woman can ever experience. OTHER women. Not me. I'm the cheerleader! WTF, I'm in the game too? Way more than I bargained from.

Teachers teach what they most need to learn.

I have believed this about other teachers, but not me, I'm a self-realized woman.

F'ing hit between the eyes with the indisputable truth.

Never the same. Never better. Ready to heal over.

(NOTE: While traumatic, I was not raped or attacked. It was not on-going. Don't mean to alarm anyone.)




HEAL OVER, KT TUNSTALL

It Isn't Very Difficult To See Why
You Are The Way You Are
Doesn't Take A Genius To Realise
That Sometimes Life Is Hard
It's Gonna Take Time
But You'll Just Have To Wait
You're Gonna Be Fine
But In The Meantime

Come Over Here Lady
Let Me Wipe Your Tears Away
Come A Little Nearer Baby
Coz You'll Heal Over
Heal Over
Heal Over Someday

And I Don't Wanna Hear You Tell Yourself
That These Feelings Are In The Past
You Know It Doesn't Mean They're Off The Shelf
Because Pain's Built To Last
Everybody Sails Alone
But We Can Travel Side By Side
Even If You Fail
You Know That No One Really Minds
Come Over Here Lady

Don't Hold On But Don't Let Go
I Know It's So Hard
You've Got To Try To Trust Yourself
I Know It's So Hard, So Hard

Come Over Here Lady
Let Me Wipe Your Tears Away
Come A Little Nearer Baby
Coz You'll Heal Over, Heal Over, Heal Over Someday