Sunday, March 11, 2007


WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORGET THE PERIOD

I'm the love. girl. The period is KEY. In fact, when I ordered my love. flag, the period was so light you couldn't see it, so I grabbed the nearest Sharpie and filled that sucker in! (Now it bleeds and looks bad, but whatever, it's all about the period.)

I owe everyone an apology. My family, my friends, my neighbors, my community. I forgot about the period. I was caught by surprise and reacted instinctually. Emphasis on reacted. I've been working on doing a whole lot less reacting, and a whole lot more careful responding, but as they say, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I actually prefer the words of the Indigo Girls, "This ol' dog is no magician."

None-the-less, I resorted to anger and harsh words, both written and spoken. I am not proud. This whole human thing really bites you in the ass sometime. Forturnately I'm so out-there with my preaching of love period, that many of my "congregation" were quick to point out the error of my ways. God, how I hate to admit I'm wrong and they are right.

I feel 1% justified in that my reaction was based on someone hurting my child. 99% of me knows, however, that there is a always a choice, and I made the wrong one, the easy one.

I'm back on the love. wagon. I'm sure I'll fall off. I know you'll let me know when I do. Thanks.

13 comments:

kario said...

I adore your unwavering courage to admit your mistakes, my dear. Just make sure you don't indulge in too much self-flagellation. We all make mistakes, and you are a shining light in the world for those who are afraid to admit them and work to change. Love you.

Suzy said...

Protecting your child seems pretty important to me- whether it be reactionary or stepping back and carefully responding.
I'll take your "reactions" anytime- they are filled with love and compassion.

Michelle O'Neil said...

LOOOOOOOVE. You. Period.

Terry Whitaker said...

Courage. That's you.

Jerri said...

The hardest test of love. is someone who hurts your child. The hardest.

Ancient instincts demand we protect our children. First, we address the source. Then we check for and attend to damage. Then we think.

Sounds to me like you followed your instincts. AND you're a big enough person to admit and address your human reactions.

Sounds like love.

Jerri said...

One more thing, Carrie.

True love (even compassion) is not always soft and fuzzy. Sometimes love demands much of us, sometimes it speaks with a loud and fearsome voice. Sometimes it takes us to our knees.

The Hallmark kind of love? That love's always sweet and non-confrontational. The Big Love.? That love looses lightning strikes that set off forest fires, the heat of which bursts a certain type of pinecone open so its seeds can be freed to become trees.

Love. isn't always pretty, but it does always have a reason and the reason is always more love.

Jenny Rough said...

Love. this post

Kim said...

To me, you ARE love period. All of your actions, from the sacred to the profane (and what's life without the whole mix?) personify love period to me. So I love this post and you for having the courage to write it...and I love the actions that led you to it.

Plus I love Jerri's comments (and everybody else's).

Love.

Prema said...

I love this post, too. I admire your humility. My father always encouraged: turn the other cheek. That never did any of us a bit of good. I love the story of Krishna and Arjuna. Arjuna doesn't want to fight and Krishna explains dharma and righteous anger. Ok to fully engage for reasons of protection, justice.

And I think of Model Mugging, self-defense training. They teach that it's vital to be able to go from 0 - 60 at just the precise moment, to stop the violence and the cycle of violence as soon as possible. Not that you need to kick the shit out of the agressor in this situation....just that your initial impulse is so natural.

That you pause to reflect and make choices about your behavior is the amazing part. Like you always say: you get an A+

Marlies said...

Carrie,like Suzy said "protecting your Child is very important" that is what a good Parent does so give yourself a break!!Love you

Deb said...

I teach my kids that the best learning comes from making mistakes and fixing what was hurt. I teach them that those results often leave the world a better place than it was before the mistake. Your mistake has provided invaluable lessons of love for more people than you'll ever know. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to any of us, Teach. Love, Exclamation.

jennifer said...

Period...the journey...it's all about the journey...don't be hard on yourself, just see...you are on a journey!

Monica said...

Anger is here, it's real, it's a part of us. It' going to come up on us. It just is. And when it's our child involved, it's doubly loaded.
I'm way behind on the whole "handle anger better" thing, and I'm sure not proud of it. But when it comes up, I sure sit down and look at it. I examine the hell out of it. And I try to do better next time.
You are the sweetest, Carrie, with your plate heaped with responsibilities. Don't be too hard on yourself.