Sunday, July 30, 2006

For many months I've been wanting to see the movie, "Brokeback Mountain". My husband has not. He was adverse to it, in fact. I thought about going with a friend to see it in the theaters, I'd thought about renting it and watching it alone when it came out in DVD. I knew I would love it. I knew it would move me. I knew it would pull up hard feelings. I knew that it would not just be any old movie to watch some evening after the kids went down. What I didn't know was that it was a tragedy.
Yesterday, in a weakened state, I got my husband to agree to watch it with me. We wept. Yes, he squirmed, yes he was uncomfortable at times, but he "got it". The lives of the two men were so well depicted, their torment, their love, their bondage to convention. What made me weep, though, was the women in their lives. The women that loved these men, had children with these men, or were the children of these men, their situation was the most tragic to me. The men had each other. No matter how infrequently they saw one another, they always knew the other was "out there", feeling and understanding what they were going through. The women had nobody.
Even today there would be very few people that would understand, and be able to talk about what these women were dealing with. We have come much further in accepting homosexuality, but women whose husbands are trying to live a heterosexual life with them, are still a silent minority. How unloved they must feel, how faulty, how lonely. I'm sure the same is true for men living with women that are fighting to live a life that is accepted by society, rather than the life that is natural for them. It's tragic to me. It's tragic that our society makes it so hard for people to love each other, and so easy to hate. It's tragic that the world is always preparing for war, and not welcoming love, any way it's wrapped. It's tragic that we still judge others by their sexual orientation, rather than their integrity, compassion, and societal contributions.
It's tragic.


Suzy said...

Not enough has been said of your writing and your compassion. As this movie shows, life isn't so black and white. Unfortunately, there are "roadside casualties" that affect everyone's life involved. Fantastic piece.

Anonymous said...

Once again you touched my Heart.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Brokeback Mountain was indeed tragic. I thought Michelle Williams's performance was outstanding. Her reaction to what she saw. Very little dialogue but amazing depth. You saw so clearly that there was just nowhere for her to go.

Heath Ledger! Jake Gillenhall! I saw this movie months ago when it came out and I think of it often.

Jenny Rough said...

To me, the one, big disappointment of this movie was that I thought it would be more about the women. I thought that was the most fascinating part and wished it would've devled deeper into their struggles as they came to terms with their situations.

Reverse Stalker said...

Girl, you are singing my song and bringing me down all at the same time...I think I am going to get a chai and sweeten this sour taste in my life...or is that my mouth?? Been there, done out in time to find out how a man who loves a woman really makes, a hetro man does not have to be sh&^faced to make love to me and he doesn't think of our time together as 'sport', where after he slaps me on the haunches and says...nice romp!

Please...where is that tea???

Carrie Wanna Be said...

I'm running out to read that movie right you you endless source of insight and entertainment. Tell Stan he can just take a powder..I'll watch a movie with you any time, any place...

jennifer said...

That movie was deeply troubling...a whole life lived and lost to lies and closed minds and fear and cruelty.

It was so stark and sorrowful...

Go Mama said...

I recently watched both Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica.

While I agree Brokeback was sad, tragic, full of longing, repressed emotions and non-communications, I felt that Transamercia had much more honesty and heart. Brokeback left me feeling empty and flat.

Transamerica starts with the premise I am a transsexual and here are my conflicts, here is my journey dealing with it... vs. Brokeback's I am gay, no I shouldn't be gay, no it isn't safe to be gay, I think I'll deny that I am gay and hurt everyone in my path.

I agree it was tragic to watch Michelle Wms character in particular silently and knowingly suffer, and was happy to see her move on.

But I felt that Felicity Hoffman's character did a better job of trying to work through her conflicts, her responsibility to her son, and ultimately face her issues head on. I admired her courage, and as I said, heart, especially in the face of society's lack of understanding and judgement around sexual orientation/gender identity.

Check it out.

kario said...

So did your husband actually enjoy it? I've been trying to convince mine to see it with me, but perhaps I'll just break down and rent it myself when he's off on business.

Anonymous said...

this is a great post…you got the full message of this movie…when I watched all the award shows it was obvious that “Hollywood” did not

we can blame everything on “society” and yet when the issues/bigotry within society comes knocking on your front door…well, YOU are society

to me the movie was less about “societal bondage” and more about the individual choices of these two men…this movie was less about two gay men and more about two selfish men

the movie was difficult for me to watch because I hate “users” I hate those who refuse to stand up for themselves…you are so right about their "bondage to convention"...but isn’t that nothing more than selfish weak behavior?

if these two men could not to find a way to live their lives in a “state of truth” then they at least needed to find a way to live out their lives without hurting the innocent wives and children!