Carrie Link

REQUIEM

It's been a week since I've seen "The Secret Life of Bees," but I can't stop thinking about it. It's all the mother stuff, you know.

For a week I've been meditating on the last line of the movie, "I feel her (Mary) in unexpected moments, her Assumption into heaven, happening in places inside me. She will suddenly rise, and when she does, she does not go up, up into the sky, but further and further inside me."

For a week I've been playing the soundtrack to the movie. All. Over. The. House.

For a week I've been lighting the Marys and working on forgiveness.

For a week I've been trying to turn all my "force" energy into "allowing" energy.

Yesterday I went to the Children's Mass at Rojo's school. The theme of the mass was, "Go make a difference," which is what my family always says to each other after our morning prayer time. It's also what Kathleen and I say to each other before we part after our morning walks.

Saying it is the easy part.

As I sat in that church and looked around at all the people who have touched my lives in the nine plus years I've been involved in this community, I was overwhelmed.

They have made a difference.

I go up at communion time to receive my blessing. As I approach the priest, right hand placed over my heart to indicate "Blessing, please, I'm not receiving communion," he looks at me, laughs, and says, "Oh, Carrie," then proceeds with his blessing. It was a moment of total honesty, and I laughed, too. I know I befuddle him. And that's okay with me.

Back in the pew, sitting there all prayerful, I get the message, "Go to Kitchen Kaboodle." WTF???

I think, Surely I am not being asked to go to Kitchen Kaboodle. Why would God/Spirit/ the Universe want me to go there?

It will not shut up.

The only store I can think of is in a part of town I actively avoid. Someone lives nearby that I have decided I don't want to run into.

"Allow," the voice says.

"Shit," says my voice.

I remember there is another Kitchen Kaboodle I can go to, instead, and quickly try to renegotiate with the powers that be.

They're not buying it.

"No," they say. Repeatedly.

So, I rise from mass, and drive my car straight to the damn store, which isn't even open yet, and I think, Some plan YOU have!

Everywhere I look are active reminders of another lifetime, not so long ago.

"Allow," says the voice.

I sit in my car, waiting for the store to flippin' open, and I allow all the feelings to enter. I allow the happy memories of these nearby locations to join some of the regrettable moments.

Finally the store opens, I go in, make a couple impulse purchases, and skitter to my car, eager to make my getaway, having successfully outsmarted the Divine.

Feeling smug, I drive back to my neighborhood/comfort zone. I pull into the grocery store and throw a few things into my red hand basket. I'm starting to fully relax from the close call at Kitchen Kaboodle, and there she is. Right in front of me.

My mother. The person I have the issues with, and had been projecting on to the person I'm avoiding.

The person I'm avoiding? Same person that turned me onto Mary in the first place.

We visited. It was fine. Actually, it was pleasant.

I left, got in my car, drove to the drive-thru bank, finished my transaction, and as I was pulling away, there she was again.

My mother.

No accidents.



REQUIEM
Eliza Gilkyson

Ooh....
mother mary, full or grace, awaken,
all our homes are gone, our loved ones taken,
taken by the sea,
mother mary calm our fears, have mercy,
drowning in a sea of tears, have mercy,
hear our mournful plea,
our world has been shaken,
we wander our homelands forsaken,
in the dark night of the soul bring some comfort to us all,
o mother mary come and carry us in your embrace,
that our sorrows may be faced,
mary fill the glass to overflowing,
illuminate the path where we are going,
have mercy on us all,
in funeral fires burning,
each flame to your mystery returning,
in the dark night of the soul your shattered dreamers,
make them whole,
o mother mary find us where we've fallen out of grace,
lead us to a higher place,
in the dark night of the soul our broken hearts you can make whole,
o mother mary come and carry us in your embrace,
let us see your gentle face, mary.
ooh.....