Wednesday, January 03, 2007


God bless:

I say this every night before falling asleep. If I don’t, bad things will happen to these animals (5), and people (4). Even though some of these animals are already dead, I cannot remove them from the list. If the list isn’t this exact way, bad things will happen to the animals (5) and people (4).

But before I can bless these animals (5) and people (4), I need to make sure all the doors are locked, or bad people will come into our house when we are sleeping, and hurt the animals (5) and people (4). I go to each outside door (2 glass and 3 wooden) and place the sign of the cross on them. Jesus will keep the bad people out, and the good people in.

There are two problems with the basement door. For one, it has a plastic piece that shoves into the hole. Everyone knows plastic is easy to cut right through. I wish the lock had a metal piece, instead of plastic, but I can’t tell Mommy and Daddy that, or they will know that I am scared, and I can’t tell them I am scared, that will wreck the whole routine. This routine is just between me and God.

The second problem with the basement door is that it is only one room away from my room. That means that it is the easiest door to break into, and I will be the first one they get, since I am the closest.

If I’m not sure I got all the doors, I’ve got to get up, do them again, then do all the God Blesses again. The God blesses are always the last thing. They have to be the last thing, or bad things will happen to the animals (5) and people (4).

If Mommy or Daddy is out at night, I can’t do the things I need to do until they come home, and the doors are all done being opened and shut for the night. It has to be my hands on the door for the very last time, or bad things will happen to the animals (5) and people (4).


Michelle O'Neil said...

Beautiful depiction of the torture of OCD. Sweet, sweet child's voice, Carrie.

Love. you.

Suzy said...

Lovely, lovely post. Seems like you started young taking care of everyone even back then
Only you sweet Carrie, only you.

Jerri said...

Oh, dear Carrie. My heart aches at the weight you felt as a child, the responsibility for keeping the animals and people safe. No child should know or care whether a lock is metal or plastic.

I am holding you in my heart, sending love and healing to the child that was once you and the woman who has grown into such a strong, loving, brilliant presence.

Terry Whitaker said...

this is heartrending

jennifer said...

Such great writing...I smell "MEMOIR"