Carrie Link

WOODLAND CREATURES

I am a “Sex and the City” graduate. That is to say I’ve seen every episode at least four times. Watching the show is as close as I’ve been to dating in 21 years. All my friends got married before me, and remain so. I am so out-of-it when it comes to what’s happening “out there” it’s not even funny.

At least I was.

I find myself having single friends again. Women who have been married, had children, or not. Women single by choice. Women single not by choice. Women that are over 40, and for whatever reason, do not have man in their lives, or more specifically, the appendage particular to men.

This is all a long way of saying I went shopping for vibrators yesterday. My very first shopping experience of that sort. I had NO IDEA all that is on the market! As a kind saleswoman carefully showed me the benefits of each, she threw in such fascinating tidbits as, “This one is good for vacuuming. This one is good for when you’re just driving around in your car. This one is a ‘starter’ vibrator. “

“Do you mean to tell me women use this while they are VACUUMING their house?”

“Oh yea, “ she reassured. “You’d be amazed at the stories we hear.”

I’m sure I would be!

I don’t know what to feel first. Naivete? Bewilderment? Confusion? Jealousy?

As the woman continued to fill me in on all the various tricks the different hand-held tools could perform, I finally said, “How is a man supposed to compete with those?”

“They can’t,” she answered matter-of-factly.

Again not sure which feeling to feel first.

Well, it turns out the world’s bestselling vibrator is “The Rabbit” as made famous on “Sex and the City” by our friend Charlotte. For those of you unfamiliar, Charlotte acquires “The Rabbit”, then drops off the face of the planet. Her friends finally stage an intervention to bring her back to reality. They confiscate “The Rabbit.”

One more time, what am I supposed to do with that information?