Friday, December 29, 2006


This is going to be politcally incorrect, controversial, and otherwise "wrong", but I don't care, no more secrets! I wish I were a lesbian! Truly! Think about it! I love women. I "get" women. I communicate almost perfectly with women. Men? Not so much! There's just that whole "lesbian thing" part of being a lesbian that I'm just not "down with", pardon the pun. Other than that teeny tiny detail, I'm totally there!

I had a good laugh on the phone with a friend this morning. She is not a lesbian either, and that is turning out to be a total bummer.

"Fuck this bullshit, Elisabeth is right, I'm going to become a lesbian,'" she said.

"See that's all I'm saying," I said, "if I could, for one second, just two percent of me, I'd go SO big with that."

"Exactly, nothing in me wants to 'do' a woman," she said, "but nothing about being hetrosexual works. It doesn't make sense."

"Being hetrosexual is bullshit," I said. "It's God's cruel joke."

My poor hetro friend is in the dating grind, and the biggest problem with dating, it turns out, is all her dates are, inevitably, men. No matter how you dress 'em up and slice them, they are still men. LOVE men. Men are great, married to a great one myself, but men are men, they are not women, and therein lies the rub! Again, no pun intended!

So, for this lifetime I will have to accept my lot in life, but next life, I've already put in my request to play for the other team. I'm on my knees, please God, let me LOVE women!!


Terry Whitaker said...

Sometimes I even think the sex would be better!

Michelle O'Neil said...




Oh wait...that's for next time.

Suzy said...


Oh Geez Sweet Michelle...that is sooooo 1950's!!!
Love you Michelle!

jennifer said...

Who is this mystery friend? She needs to be outed!

Funny post, you are doing great with the italics and the photo import.

Prema said...

I tried that once...but she slept around on me. Ha. Go figure.

jennifer said...

Being a blogger bitch has eliminated my ablity to have any alter egos on your comment space! That totally pisses me off but in a good way. After all those ANON comments were a total bummer!!! It's a worthy sacrifice, I'll just find a new outlet for my psychosis!!!

holly said...

If the crazy christian right can "pray the gay away" ... there is hope for you ...

Terry Whitaker said...

Everyone: You have to read Identity Crisis' counter-point

JessPDX said...

Dude, I am here to tell you that women are not so much easier. The grass is always greener.... Maybe the sex is better though. ;)

And queer is not 50s, its a very hip word these days.

jennifer said...

Being a lesbian is SO's the new fringe!!