Carrie Link

MAYBE IN MY NEXT LIFE

This is going to be politcally incorrect, controversial, and otherwise "wrong", but I don't care, no more secrets! I wish I were a lesbian! Truly! Think about it! I love women. I "get" women. I communicate almost perfectly with women. Men? Not so much! There's just that whole "lesbian thing" part of being a lesbian that I'm just not "down with", pardon the pun. Other than that teeny tiny detail, I'm totally there!

I had a good laugh on the phone with a friend this morning. She is not a lesbian either, and that is turning out to be a total bummer.

"Fuck this bullshit, Elisabeth is right, I'm going to become a lesbian,'" she said.

"See that's all I'm saying," I said, "if I could, for one second, just two percent of me, I'd go SO big with that."

"Exactly, nothing in me wants to 'do' a woman," she said, "but nothing about being hetrosexual works. It doesn't make sense."

"Being hetrosexual is bullshit," I said. "It's God's cruel joke."

My poor hetro friend is in the dating grind, and the biggest problem with dating, it turns out, is all her dates are, inevitably, men. No matter how you dress 'em up and slice them, they are still men. LOVE men. Men are great, married to a great one myself, but men are men, they are not women, and therein lies the rub! Again, no pun intended!

So, for this lifetime I will have to accept my lot in life, but next life, I've already put in my request to play for the other team. I'm on my knees, please God, let me LOVE women!!