Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I've been trying my damndest to keep myself vibrating above the tipping point, above neutrality, onwards towards enlightenment. I just want to announce it here, I'm taking the rest of the night off. I'm going to willingly plunge into the lower vibrations of desire, fear, grief, apathy, guilt, and shame.

I desire my son to stop telling me the time, then announcing in his Lois ("Malcolm in the Middle" voice, what time it is Eastern. I don't f'ing care!

I fear I will strangle the child if he bangs the sides of the metal bathtub for one more cotton picking second.

I grieve over the loss of my sanity. It was nice while it lasted. Now it's gone, I miss it.

I have guilt over being GIDDY that he will be in bed at 8:30 (11:30 Eastern).

I am ashamed the my husband will want to talk and share his day with me when my son finally shuts the hell up. Ashamed that I plan to jump into my own bed, earplugs in, sleep mask on, faking sleep if need be, to avoid any further NOISE entering my system today!

Ahhhh... I feel better already. Perhaps not enough has been made about those lower vibrations!


holly said...

You crack me up! I love how f'ing funny you make moments like this come alive in exact proportion to how NOT funny they are as you are living them.

Jerri said...

You deserve some peace and quiet, darlin'. Fake sleep, fake anything you have to to get some private time. It's the only thing that will save your sanity in the long run.

Life's a roller coaster, and I believe we're meant to experience and appreciate the entire ride. Just like anything else, trying to deny or run from the lower vibrations makes them stronger. Experiencing them, letting them run freely without engaging in destructive actions—that's what allows the rascals to move on to easier pickings.

As you well know, accepting my own shadow side is a tough, tough deal for me, but I'm learning that acknowledging it helps put it in its proper perspective.

Hell, some specific lower vibrations can be big damn fun. Oh, you weren't talking about THOSE vibrations, were you?


courtneywrites said...

Feel better, Carrie!

Michelle O'Neil said...

Good for you for listening to that inner voice telling you what you need.

Stan's a big boy. He would be well served to give you space for your own recuperation.

Love Rojo, but give yourself an f-ing break!

Remember, there's not a mark on him! How many of us could say the same if we lived with him?!

You are a great mom Carrie.

Terry Whitaker said...

What Holly said--and More.

Nif said...

Next time you're out, stop by and get a cat-scan for the road with your Velvet Hammer with whip. You have PTSD girl. It's amazing you have come this far. You have NO lower vibrations, you have wings on your back. Turn around and look at them. Wings. You are an angel.

Stacy said...

Hmmnn? Whaaa? in a highpitched voice is the way my now grown sons imitate me. It's hysterical really. Learn to tune them out, ear plugs help alot. Everything that is said that is truly important can be said without words. My dog is a great conversationalist, and I always know what he needs and how he is feeling. Hungry, tired, happy, sick, afraid, happy, happy and at times TOO damn DEMANDING. Then maybe you could try the crate with a blanket over it too.