Carrie Link

ADMIRAL BOOM


Remember the movie, "Mary Poppins," when Bert tells the kids, "The world gets their time from Greenwich. Greenwich, they say, gets their time from Admiral Boom?"

If you are wondering where Admiral Boom gets his time, it's from Rojo.

And this was a problem, because through some weird twist of fate, or Mercury in its ever lovin' retrograde, Rojo's watch was five minutes slow. The microwave, clocks, cell phones, computers, everything had one time, and he had another. There was no telling him he was less right.

"Mom! Shut your pie hole! My cuckoo clock is going to ring!" he'd say each hour at 4 minutes past the hour, instead of his previous 1 minute prior.

"Sweetie," I'd answer with nothing but love dripping from every word, "your cuckoo clock already rang! Your watch is 5 minutes slow! Can I please fix your watch to match the real time?"

"My watch is not slow! Stop saying my damn watch is five minutes slow!"

"Rojo! We need to go to summer school! Put your shoes on, it's 9:50!"

"It is NOT 9:50, Mom! Stop saying it is 9:50! My watch says 9:45! We will go when my watch says 9:50! Do not tell me to put my shoes on at 9:45!"

He had switched all three TVs to match his watch, and the TVs are the only other official source of time that interest him in even the least little bit.

I thought through each option:

1) Sneak in his room when he was asleep, take his watch and reset it, but he'd wake up and notice it didn't match the TVs, and then he'd be furious.

2) Sneak in his room when he was asleep, take his watch and reset it, also resetting the TVs, and then explain it all away in the morning as some kind of miracle that everything was synchronized.

3) Dump the whole problem on STM.

"STM," I cooed, with nothing but love dripping from every word, "Today I may very well lose my mind. Would you please get him to SET HIS DAMN WATCH TO THE CORRECT TIME??"

I woke up this morning and joined STM and Rojo, already in action in the kitchen. After at least 3 weeks of fighting with Rojo about what time it really is, he says casually, while pulling off bite-sized pieces of garlic toast and shoving them into his mouth, skinny leg crossed over skinny leg, kicking away at the wall beneath the breakfast bar, "Mom! I set my damn watch! Then I set the TVs! Everything matches! We won't be late anymore!"

"Easy," STM said, as I looked at him and wordlessly asked how he did the impossible.

"I'm so glad," I said, with nothing but love dripping from every word.