Tuesday, August 26, 2008

WORD CHOICE

My wonderful, former co-worker at NIKE did not appreciate being called my "old boss." She makes an excellent point. She is neither old, nor bossy. Never was, and I do believe she made the additional good point that she couldn't have bossed me around if she'd tried.

In fact, it was her idea that I take a NIKE-sponsored class on the wonders of word processing, which were just becoming a reality in those days. She thought I should take advantage of the training, and that word processing would make my job and life easier. I wouldn't hear of it. I had a typewriter at work and at home, and that was all I'd ever need. Somehow she managed to get me to those classes, and let's just make it official, she was right, and I was less right.

Word choice.

Not enough can really be made of the importance of the choice of words, or knowing when saying nothing at all, says it best.

I went through old e-mails last night. I was "in a mood" and decided a good raking over of the proverbial coals was just the ticket. I made myself read some hard-to-read ones, and then I deleted them. One finger on the delete button and they were gone - all of them. Poof.

Choice.

Those words didn't serve me any more. I was done with them. And now they are gone.

When I woke up this morning I went to my computer and saw an e-mail from an old high school friend. I hadn't heard from her in years, but somehow she learned of my blog, and found my e-mail address through it. She was writing to let me know that a dear friend of both of ours, from high school, had been killed in a car accident.

I don't believe "killed" was the word she chose to use. It's my choice of words, as it is the most violent of the bunch, and her death has me angry and shaking my fists at the heavens for "letting" a woman swerve out of her lane and hit my friend head- on, leaving her husband and children in the car to watch her die.

No accidents, I'm reminded. And no accidents I just read up on the 5 Stages of Grief, I guess.

Thing is? I wasn't "done" with that friend. And now she is gone.

18 comments:

An Imperfect Perfection said...

I'm sorry for your loss.... I know there probably are no words that can comfort. I will pray for peace for everyone involved and grieving.

Anonymous said...

Carrie,
I'm so sorry to hear this news as many of us from that class of '81 are just finding our groove. May I ask who it was that passed?

Kathryn said...

Carrie, I am so very sorry to hear this - even though I too believe no accidents in general - doesn't take the hurt away or explain anything. Tragic is still the most appropriate word when you're hurting and I pray for love and support to surround and hold her family and you in the light.

Maddy said...

Oh I'm so sorry about your friend. i don't believe in accidents either but at the same time it's hard to figure out the underlying logic.

In fact on the radio yesterday I heard that we're all hard wired to 'try and make sense' of things no matter how hard.

Sorry my 'choice' of words isn't more apt.

Best wishes

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Anon.

The class of '81 friend was Kelly Herring Campbell. I can't believe I just wrote "was."

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Anon.

The class of '81 friend was Kelly Herring Campbell. I can't believe I just wrote "was."

Jerri said...

My heart goes out to your friend and to all those who love her, including you.

Let all around you be peace.

Eileen said...

Carrie,
I am so very sorry to hear about Kelly's sudden and tragic death. Times like this bring out so many emotions and remind us how fragile life is.
I am praying for and for her family. Grief is so difficult. Take care of yourself.
Love.

She said...

I'm so very sorry. I am crying here because I know too well of what you describe.

It's so hard to not be done with someone and to have them be gone.

Oh, Carrie, I'm so, so, so sorry.

Let me know if I can help in any way.

(I also get the re-reading and deleting emails. I've done that recently too.)

Love. Love. Love.

Michelle O'Neil said...

I'm sorry about the loss of your friend Carrie. And no, the two of your are not "done."

drama mama said...

I'm sorry.

Joanne said...

This is so tragic. I'm sorry for your loss and for your friend's family. Along the lines of what Michelle said, I think Kelly will always be your friend.

kario said...

Thinking of you, my friend. I'm pleased you deleted those old emails and made some space for the grief you're feeling about your friend.

Love you.

Angie Ledbetter said...

You'll use your gift of words to write more about your friend one day maybe. Prayers for the repose of her soul.

Terry Whitaker said...

Care, So sorry.

Jess said...

I'm am so so sorry to hear about this, I just can't imagine how that is for her family...

Take care of yourself.

Amber said...

I know very well how you feel.
I am so sorry. Really sorry. For everyone.

(((hug)))

:(

shauna said...

I am so sorry. I completely agree that there's no such thing as an accident, but there are countless things that we just plain can't understand with our mortal minds. It's those things that can be most painful. My heart goes out to her family.