Carrie Link

FRIENDSHIP'S LEASE ON LIFE

When I went to hear Pat Wood last week, she told the story of waking up one morning (early) with the whole preface of Lottery in her head, word for word. She arose, typed it all out, and inevitably that preface made it all the way to the printed version, with only the slightest of revisions.

I get that.

Many days I wake up with sentences, phrases, or ideas in my head that I just "know" go in my book. When I make the effort to rise, and transcribe what the gods have downloaded for me, I am always happy with the results. What often happens, however, is Rojo wakes up too soon, and before I've completed my secretarial duties for the writing muse, my head is lost in the making of sourdough toast, garbage truck searches, and the day's minutiae.

Today the phrase that woke me us was, "A lease on friendship." STM is still in Eugene (I extended his extension, because I am just that amazing, and just that manipulative, he's going to owe me BIG when he gets here), Woohoo is at WUG with two of my cousins that have total proxy for me, she won't get away with anything. Rojo is still sleeping because he was up until 9:30 singing "Who let the dogs out?" kicking the wall under his desk, typing manically on his computer and in general, making me grumpy. And so here I am, alone, drinking coffee, watching the deer, quail, and the morning come to life, and contemplating the wisdom of "A lease on friendship."

It's really true, isn't it? We just take out a lease when we sign up for a new friend. Some leases are short, some get extended, and some we choose to buy out at the end. We know a good deal when we have it, and never want it to end. Some leases seem to have a one-way contract, one we never hold, never see, never consult, but seem to be operating under, none-the-less. That is the variety that holds the most angst for me, and the one that first sprang to mind when I began to turn the phrase around in my head.

What is up with those friendships? Those in which we never know what's going on? We never seem to be fully relaxed and at ease, there is always some drama about to break. And when they end, and they always do, we are left with a whole bunch of, "What happened?" Then we finish what the friendship started, the endless self-doubt, the merry-go-round of, "Was it because I said/did/didn't say/didn't do _______________?" And no amount of soul searching nor pathetic pleading on our part to the other silent half, ever comes up with an answer that satisfies.

The lease was up.

That's all.



* Photo from www.peterappleby.com