Tuesday, July 01, 2008


When I went to hear Pat Wood last week, she told the story of waking up one morning (early) with the whole preface of Lottery in her head, word for word. She arose, typed it all out, and inevitably that preface made it all the way to the printed version, with only the slightest of revisions.

I get that.

Many days I wake up with sentences, phrases, or ideas in my head that I just "know" go in my book. When I make the effort to rise, and transcribe what the gods have downloaded for me, I am always happy with the results. What often happens, however, is Rojo wakes up too soon, and before I've completed my secretarial duties for the writing muse, my head is lost in the making of sourdough toast, garbage truck searches, and the day's minutiae.

Today the phrase that woke me us was, "A lease on friendship." STM is still in Eugene (I extended his extension, because I am just that amazing, and just that manipulative, he's going to owe me BIG when he gets here), Woohoo is at WUG with two of my cousins that have total proxy for me, she won't get away with anything. Rojo is still sleeping because he was up until 9:30 singing "Who let the dogs out?" kicking the wall under his desk, typing manically on his computer and in general, making me grumpy. And so here I am, alone, drinking coffee, watching the deer, quail, and the morning come to life, and contemplating the wisdom of "A lease on friendship."

It's really true, isn't it? We just take out a lease when we sign up for a new friend. Some leases are short, some get extended, and some we choose to buy out at the end. We know a good deal when we have it, and never want it to end. Some leases seem to have a one-way contract, one we never hold, never see, never consult, but seem to be operating under, none-the-less. That is the variety that holds the most angst for me, and the one that first sprang to mind when I began to turn the phrase around in my head.

What is up with those friendships? Those in which we never know what's going on? We never seem to be fully relaxed and at ease, there is always some drama about to break. And when they end, and they always do, we are left with a whole bunch of, "What happened?" Then we finish what the friendship started, the endless self-doubt, the merry-go-round of, "Was it because I said/did/didn't say/didn't do _______________?" And no amount of soul searching nor pathetic pleading on our part to the other silent half, ever comes up with an answer that satisfies.

The lease was up.

That's all.

* Photo from www.peterappleby.com


Suzy said...

Time to move out and move on.

Love you.


Kathryn said...

How about a little digital tape recorder so you won't lose your thoughts when other duties intrude...

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite quotes is one I heard on Oprah.* 'People [Friendships] come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime'.

Frequently we don't know until it's over, to which category it belonged, but it helps to remind me that nothing is permanent and each category is sacred.


*could not find to whom deserves credit. Anonymous perhaps?

drama mama said...

I hear you on the frienship lease. I feel like I have friends that come into my life, sort of hold up a mirror to myself and move on.

One interesting thing, though: I recently got on Facebook and reconnected with OLD friends. I'm talking high school, college - OLD friends.

Weird. (Cue Twilight Zone music)
Just WHAT did we have in common? Nice people. Different paths.

BTW: I think I'm in love with Rojo.

La La said...

I wish I had written that!!! : )

You KNOW that's exactly what I'm going through.

lo said...

I hear you on the great sentences, phrases and ideas and I am BAD about not getting right to computer or pen and paper and you know what, i DO often forget them later......
As for leases and such, I hear THAT too-i've decided that if i never know where the friendship really 'is' and don't feel like i really have a say, i move on before i really 'move in.' It took years to figure that out and i am trying to remember it and stick to it.
HOpefully the true friendships make up for the others. You know, the 'good investments' more than make up for the ones that go 'belly up.' And then we need to run-not away, but towards our next investment or towards our current and positive ones-they need constant nurturing:)

Jerri said...

Everything we have in life, including friendships, is only leased. Long term, if we're lucky.

Only love remains when the Big Lease is up.

Per said...

So do you have a list of trusted friends?

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Great post. Highlights perfectly the fickle nature of friendship and the fragile hold we have on relationships. Wonderful!

Amber said...

This is so true.

I would say to get a recorder for your ideas, but I myself can't stand the sound of my own voice on one. lol! I tried once.