Saturday, February 09, 2008



I believe in the power of three. When the third person asked me, point blank, "What is going on with you?" I knew I had to figure out the answer to that hard question!

I don't know.

Something.

Something big.

In the last 24 hours (I now sleep on a 24-hour clock, rather than on a "nighttime basis") I've dreamed this:

1) Making out with my ex (and gay) boyfriend - loving every minute of it.

2) Leading a friend to see the body of her dead grandmother, only to discover the woman wasn't dead, then chasing away the hearse that came to get her.

3) Living with my mom and step-father, as an adult, trying to figure out how I fit into their story now. (BTW, they were divorced for nearly 20 years before he died.)

4) Searching a huge home for decent coffee before leaving for high school without having had any. VERY unhappy about that.

5) Taking care of my childhood friend, Missy, who was sick and staying with me.

6) Getting instructions from a zookeeper how to proceed once all the cages were unlocked and the animals were set loose, leaving me, the only human, alone with them.

So, that's how I am.

Scary.






* Photo from Jupiter Images

14 comments:

Jerri said...

Darling girl. So much unrest. So much turmoil.

Margaret Drabble once said, "When nothing is sure, everything is possible."

Everything is possible for you, my friend. How can we help?

Michelle O'Neil said...

Carrie,

You are perfect. Always expanding, perfect as you are.

LOVE.

Eileen said...

Carrie,
Sit with the unrest, stop trying to figure it out, just sit with it, see where it leads you. There on answers on the other side of this, lessons to be learned, but for now go blank, and just be still.
Love you.

La La said...

Oh, Carrie,

I love you so much!

I hear you. I believe you. I "see" you.

lo said...

Wow!
I want to be in your dream
:)LO

riversgrace said...

True, so much movement, possibly generations of movement moving through you, because finally, after all these years there is an opening. You.

Love.

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

Carrie...unrest or not....you have people to lean on.

Suzy said...

At least you're not bored...

Boredom..now that is certain death.

Seems to me all these messages will start to show themeselves and I think you know that.

Love you.

Suzy

paul maurice martin said...

In my own case, the dream theory that I find works most consistently is "I don't think so good when I'm asleep," but these seem like they could have a deeper meaning...

courtneywrites said...

Hey Carrie, I just noticed I'm on your "favorite blog" list -- thank you! I'm honored!

Kapuananiokalaniakea said...

I've gotten three hours of sleep in the last twenty four hours and my brain is in that wild nether land. How about some amateur analysis?
1) There is no black and white.
2) Death is not the end, it's merely a transition.
3) Understanding that relationship through adult eyes.
5) Understanding that, no matter how hard you tried, you did not have the proper tools available to you to navigate through high school and acknowledging the fact that you did your best.
6) Someone else can give you instructions on how to manage perceived chaos, but ultimately, you get to make your own rules.

So, there you go.

Love. Love.

holly said...

Wow, you have much better variety in your stress dreams than me. I dream variations of the same tired shit over and over.

Deb said...

What advice would you give to a dear friend who wrote these words? I hope you'll give that grace, love and compassion to yourself. Here if you need me. Love you.

marge said...

Trust in yourself my dear. I believe in you too.

Much, much love.