SAY, "AHHHHHHH-MEN!"
Had my regular dental check-up today. I am a dental wonder. WONDER, I tell you. Nothing pleases a good dentist more than seeing me bite together. The joy on their faces would bring tears to your eyes, TEARS!
I've had what dentists technically call, one &%$#@@ up jaw/bite/mouth forever. Well, not forever, for the first 39 years of my life. And now I don't. Now I bite together and teeth touch, there is occlusion, closure, and this, apparently, is really, really important.
Closure. Yes, it's a nice thing to have when one is attempting to speak, eat, swallow and breath. It's also, as I've recently discovered, a nice thing to have in life, overall.
The tricky thing about closure is, you don't always know when something has come to an end, so you don't do any closure activities/ceremonies, nothing, about it. Then, when you wake up in a cold sweat one night in your bed of knotted sheets and soggy pillows, you sit bolt upright and say, "Key-rist! I guess that is OVER! WTF?"
So, I made my dentist turn cartwheels in his office today, and came home and had a LONG telephone conversation with someone that helped me to feel emotional closure. We actually spoke for 158 minutes, according to our anal retentive telephone systems. Through that mega conversation we laughed, raged, got teary, and most importantly, got to to the bottom, the end, the finale of a project we've been working on for a year now. Closure.
So why don't I feel like a whole new person today? Why was last night the night I awoke with tangled, soggy sheets and mind whirling with disappointment, outrage, deep sadness, deep regret, and humiliation? What's up with that?
So we all agree there are no accidents, right? Everything happens for a reason? Our enemies are our best friends? We are all each others' teachers? Blah, blah, blah? My mind gets this. My soul gets. My body doesn't. My body wants to shake. My body wants to sweat. My body wants to yank things off walls and throw things from shelves. My body wants an outward display of closure. It wants to look around my environment and SEE the end of an era, not just understand it in the abstract. My body wants concrete signs of the end.
When my body, mind and spirit all come to the end of this road, then, and only then, there will be closure.
True closure.
Occlusion.
Conclusion.
Finality.
The end.
The new beginning.
10 comments:
Wow! I'm so glad you got the 158 minutes to process it together, even though your body is still having a fit. I pray that your body settles some so you can enjoy the knowing in your soul and mind.
Bless you. Bless you. Bless. You.
Let's just hope it doesn't take as long as the teeth took to get closure!
I was going to try to say something serious, but now Terry's comment has made me laugh!
I know this feeling well, when it takes your body and your heart longer to learn something that your mind already understands. They will all come together and you will reach that new beginning, I know it. And in the meantime, be proud of yourself for the hard work you are doing.
As someone I adore likes to say:
love.
Wow. Create some kind of ritual for this closure, Carrie. The body loves ritual, to "anchor in" the new.
Cut your loses and get a good night's sleep.
lo,
Loved your comment, e-mail me at fullycaffeinated@comcast.net, and we can continue that discussion. Sorry, I chose not to publish your comment, but please know that it was accurate and much appreciated!
love.
It is amazing when our minds and bodies aren't in synch, isn't it? I hope you find a way to point out the closure to your body. Or perhaps your body is trying to tell you something. Maybe you're not as 'closed' as you thought you were....
In any case, I'm sending love and light.
Having the chance to process is a wonderful thing, and it is a great attempt to bring closure. Remember, you may need another 158 minutes, closure is tough, painful and often needs more processing. In the end it is worth it, and you are so brave for dealing with the closure issues face to face (or phone to phone), but at lease by talking. Getting out what needs to be said. So needed to move on. Then new begining do happen, and look at all you have learned.
LOVE.
This may be my very favorite of anything you've written and it hits so close to home for me. Listen to your body's wisdom. It's deep and totally true.
The body doesn't lie. It has learned over a million years of evolution what a tiger looks like. Trust it.
It has also learned over that time that instinct loves ritual, prayer, laughter and grace.
Great piece!
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