Monday, March 15, 2010


A friend and I have been e-mailing about our own struggles to recognize, and then excise, ego from our lives, or at this point, even tiny parts of our lives.

"It's all just head trash," she said.

I'm finally starting yoga, been three times in fact now. It's been on my To Do list for about five years, make that ten. It's hard to justify adding one more thing to the already packed schedule and stretched budget, even when doing so makes all the sense in the world. What finally put the yoga puzzle into place is it's something Woohoo and I can do together, and both benefit from. Never mind that she's nearly 5'8" and weighs in under 110 lbs., it's just one more challenge for my ego to feel good about myself as I stretch and bend alongside her.

I find myself trying so hard to be at yoga when I am at yoga, and not be in my head with the endless lists running on continual loop. So little of what runs through my head is of any real value or concern, so much of it is head trash. If it's not my ego replaying a conversation, then it's just one "Don't forget to_________" after another.

I think that the next person/doctor/therapist/vet/dentist/orthodontist/teacher that says, "Just have him/her do _________ once or twice a day," might very well receive a volcanic eruption of my head trash.

There is simply no more room. My brain space is a Tandy computer that has reached it's maximum storage capacity. It's running sluggishly these days and needs a whole system clean up. Large chunks of what I've been storing need to be deleted, dragged to the trash, and deleted again. When the "Are you sure you want to delete?" question comes up, I need someone to help me say, "YES," make all the head trash go away and never come back.

Then I could put "breathe" on my list, "be," "stretch," "listen," and "love."

* Photo from


Lizzy said...

Just breathe. Takes years of practice though:)

Suzy said...

Sounds like your disc is too "fragmented". Time to "defragment".

love you


Wanda said...

I like the "yes to all" option.

Elizabeth said...

Wonderful images that I can so relate to and empathize with, Carrie. And keep at that yoga -- it's amazing how much it does for one's soul AND ego and how silly it feels to stop.

Deb Shucka said...

Welcome to the world of yoga and the life lessons it has to teach!

Anonymous said...

I am so with you on the "just do X once or twice a day." I am never able to do it, and it just succeeds in making me feel even more guilty. "Bad mom!" "Why can't you do this one simple thing?!"

Because there just aren't any more spare minutes in the day. And if there were, I'd have her spend them lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about life, like any 13-year-old should be doing. Not working on times tables.

Sore spot? No....!

(But really, yoga? Sounds fabulous. Good for the body, good for the spirit, and whether it adds or takes away minutes on the day, it will add space around your brain, so you feel more expansive about it.)

kario said...

It is hard. I swear, for some of us, the 'monkey mind' is more than one monkey. It's an entire tribe of little furry busybodies scurrying around inside our heads creating trash.

I wish you strength and persistence in attacking the piles of garbage that have accumulated. The idea of just breathing and being is so appealing but it seems so far from here, doesn't it?


Pam said...

Great post. Read your comment on Deb's post and had to laugh!

Anonymous said...

Ooo, I want to be that lady on the beach. It's hard to be still, isn't it? Good for you for making it a priority.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Yoga saves me as well. I don't get to do it as often as I need to. And I totally identify with the head trash - do I ever!

Brenda said...

It's on my ten-year to do list, too. So impressed you're doing it! I'd really love to find a mommy and me class. said...

What a beautiful, glorious vision you you and your daughter stretching together.