Tuesday, March 16, 2010
THE DEFENSE RESTS
My father was a defense attorney. He was paid to defend people who had clearly broken the law - get them off on technicalities, reach a plea bargain, have the charges dropped.
Defending yourself was the name of the game at my house. I was not taught to "own" stuff, to say, "Hey, you know what? You're right, I'm sorry." Defend. Defend. Defend.
It is very much in both my nature and my nurture to go straight to, "Oh, yea, well, what about YOU?" when called on something.
You know what? It's exhausting. I think there's something to be said for at least checking in when criticized, at least stopping temporarily and asking yourself, what part of this is true? at least considering it before dismissing it entirely. As Eckhart Tolle (my hero) says, "Relationships are not here to make us happy, they're here to make us conscious." So often we learn most from those with whom we disagree, but it's just no fun.
And so, for me, for now, the goal is to let the defense tactics rest. I don't have to make others wrong to be right, and the surprise discovery? I don't even have to be right at all, it's enough that I'm here reaching for the light and doing my best, as flawed as that might be.
* Photo from www.mass.gov