Monday, December 07, 2009


A SPLIT PATH

Met my best friend from high school for coffee Saturday. Friends for 32 years now. She has actively stabilized my life more than once and I am forever in her debt.

She is one of the few people I can say, gladly, hasn't changed a bit. She is the same rock solid, clear thinking, ego-less person she was when she was fourteen.

She has a daughter a year older than Woohoo - in fact, I was visiting her sixteen years ago when she went into labor a week early, and stood outside her hospital doorway as she quietly gave birth without one drop of medication. That's who she is.

Our second children were born within three months of each other, and for a few years we made the effort to get our four kids together as often as possible, despite the two hours that separate our homes.

But then it just got harder. Harder with the kids' schedules. Harder with busy lives and careers. And frankly? Harder with Rojo.

I've been thinking a lot about how we were friends that saw each other daily, then roommates in college, then roommates out of college, at each other's weddings and at the births of our children, and now it could be 6-8 months between phone calls. More than the busyness, more than the geographical distance, more than anything, its that widening gap thing again.

When we gave birth to our second children our lives were parallel. Thirteen years later we're not fooling anyone. We're on two very different paths as mothers, as women, as travelers.

It was really good to see her again on Saturday. It was really good to see all the ways I still need her to ground me. It was really good to see that although we no longer travel the same road, we are still on this same journey. Together.

12 comments:

blackknightsbrood said...

"It was really good to see that although we no longer travel the same road, we are still on this same journey. Together."

Friends like this, who have known us before, during, after, forever, are gold.

I can feel the warmth of your friendship and your time together over coffee in your words.

jess wilson said...

This quote was a gift to me from my friend Jeneil. Passing it on with love ...

She gather me, man. The pieces I am - she gather them and give them back to me all in the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.

Toni Morrison

deb said...

I have a girlfriend like that. I miss her still.

Jerri said...

I so admire the way you tend your friendships. And I'm grateful for everyone who helps you on your way.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

"the same rock solid, clear thinking, ego-less person she was when she was fourteen" - she sounds like an extraordinary person, as are you.

fullsoulahead.com said...

You are nothing if not a good friend.

Elizabeth said...

I think it's a wonderful thing to reunite with friends who "knew you when." So much of our lives is defined by our children, especially those children with special needs. I really value those friends who I knew "before."

drama mama said...

It's funny, because there are gradations of friends. There are friends at work, friends that you meet for drinks, then there are the friends that are in the ecto-plasma and foundation of your being.

Your rebar. Concrete.

Those are the ones I want with me with the revolution comes.

xo

Deb Shucka said...

That's what our oldest and dearest friends bring to our travels - pure love and acceptance, no matter where the roads lead.

Wanda said...

The outer path isn't what matters. Yes...on the journey together.

Amber said...

These kind of soul mates are priceless. It is so funny (odd), that I was just thinking of writing a post about my bf since we were 12, and how I will see her this weekend.

:)

kario said...

I love those friendships where you can just pick right up where you left off. So pleased to know you are still in each others' lives.