Friday, April 03, 2009


CHOICES

Went to dinner Wednesday night with a holy circle of women. We're all writers but we each have at least a couple more descriptors after our name: student, nanny, musician, parent, partner, therapist, yoga instructor, concert promoter, healer, searcher.

We range in age from 33 to 46. We cover many different demographics. Some of us are single. Some of us are married. Some of us have, or are considering separating. Some of us are about to partner with a capital P. Some of us are considering children. Some of us are "trying." Some of us are straight. Some of us are not. Some of us have had abortions. Some of us have not.

In other words, just a typical group of women.

Being the eldest of the group, and having been "done" for YEARS now, it was the first time in a long time I'd been with women considering motherhood for the first time.

The conversation turned to genetic testing (probably because I turned it there). I was curious where these women stood -if after making a very deliberate decision to get pregnant, would they stay pregnant, no matter what?

Let's be clear - I'm pro choice. But when it comes to the "I couldn't handle __________" argument I get all worked up.

I teared up as I told them, "None of Rojo's disabilities would have shown up on a test, and if they had, I would not have thought I could handle it. What I couldn't handle now, is life without him."

And I realized for the very first time, just how true that was.

17 comments:

pixiemama said...

Carrie - I just wrote the longest response to this, and, half-way through, realized that I needed to take it over to my blog. The short answer is: I agree completely. I could not live without a single one of my children.

Thank you for sharing your profound wisdom, as usual.

xo

Anonymous said...

Rojo continues to make a difference. Isn't your family motto, "Go make a difference."? This is what your blog is doing for many and he is at the center.

Suzy said...

It's amazing, but not really if you think about it, the impact Rojo has made on all of us.

So many simple truths revolve around his perception and way of thinking.
It's us who make it so complicated.

What a kid. What a mother!

Love you

Suzy

Angie Ledbetter said...

Supper, women/writer/friends communing, and epiphanies. What a night!!

Jeannie said...

Saw your comment on Welcome to My Planet's site and thought I'd pop on by. Will check ya out more later (babysitting the neighbors. Should not be on Internet.) :)

She said...

So, does this mean I NEED to move to Portland so I can go to these amazing dinners?! I hear Portland is weird just like Austin is weird! ; )

Love Rojo! Love you!

kario said...

You? Turn the dialogue to a contentious subject? No. I'm shocked!

Love you.
Love Rojo.
Jealous that I missed the evening.

Wanda said...

I just figured it out...

you are the missing link (between who we have been and what we are to become--not the neanderthal kind).

No longer missing.

jess said...

a cousin of mine has been trying to adopt for a long time. when asked about taking in a special needs child she and her husband came to the conclusion that they couldn't handle it. i found myself torn apart. it was very difficult to temper my response.

in a speech last night i said, 'when you love a child with autism, you find yourself capable of a lot of things you never thought you could do.' take out autism, insert, well, anything. when you love a child, you can. period.

marcy said...

Carrie, Marcy here...would love to re-connect! I finally found your blog again! You're truly a gifted writer, can't wait to hear more! Email me! Marcy

Amber said...

Oh Carrie. I wish I could sit with you like that, and listen to anything you had to say about life. Lucks ducks.

:)

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Marcy,

I don't have your e-mail address - e-mail me at carriewilsonlink@comcast.net!

Yea! I'm excited to talk to you again!

deb said...

I am pro choice as well and told a young woman one day that even knowing how hard life has been with Katie, I would not have had an abortion. She has profoundly changed my life, forcing me onto a different path, a path of learning and seeking. I'm thankful.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

deb,

That seems to be the common theme amongst special needs moms - wouldn't trade it for the world. You will appreciate pixiemama's blog post regarding this, I think.

love.

Deb Shucka said...

Wish I could have been there. So glad you got this gift of awareness. So glad you share with us.

Jerri said...

What gifts.

Rojo, the group, the awareness: all pure gift.

Tanya @ Teenautism said...

100% for me too! So very true!