Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Prayer flags are down. Outdoor furniture is safely tucked into the garage until spring. The bird feeders are filled to overflowing, extra water spills from the bird bath.

I am packing up. I am going "home" today. Back to the perfect house. Back to my perfect family. Handsome husband, beautiful daughter and son. Back where I "belong." Back where everyone expects me to be, wants me to be, needs me to be.

Didn't sleep a wink last night. Scratch that, must have slept a few winks, because I dreamed. Deep, dark, disturbing dreams. Dreams of being pursued, chased, hurt. Each dream requiring huge efforts on my part to escape pain, abduction, and in one case, being physically burned and scarred for life.

Eyes blurry, stomach busy producing extra bile, head so full of confusion a sense of vertigo overtakes me.

This can't be auspicious.

I close my weary eyes. Breath understanding and recognition into the parts of my body that are troubled. "There is room for this, too." "Don't judge, just be," I tell myself.

I flip through my most recent Dalai Lama quote-a-day keepers to find strength for the drive home. H.H., he never disappoints:

"To generate true love, you need to know how it differs from attachment."

"A heart full of love and compassion is the main source of inner strength, willpower, happiness, and mental tranquility."

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."

That should be enough to keep me going today, anyway. One day at a time, isn't that the saying?


Michelle O'Neil said...

The light of God surrounds you.
The love of God enfolds you.
The power of God protects you,
and the presence of God watches over you.
Wherever you are, God is, and all is well.

-Unity Prayer for Protecton, James Dillet Freeman

Terry Whitaker said...

My heart will go home with you.

kario said...

I am sending you a highway of golden light to carry you home and a reminder that 'home' is where your heart is. Please make it your first priority at the house to carve out a calm, quiet place for you to be whomever and whatever you need to be at that moment.

Go slowly and breathe and remember you are love and light.

holly said...

yep,one day at a time and baby steps and step by step by step and there is room and you will come through to the otherside wherever, whatever that otherside is, what ever it means to you, you'll come to it and you will be stronger. I promise.

cheryl said...

Safe and peaceful journey home. You are in a different place now, and the lessons you learned will be will be with you. Stay true to yourself!

Also, Mary Chapin Carpenter sings a song about a Sudden Gift of Fate, that is what you have been to me. Thanks for all you support, I hope you know I am here for you too.

Jess said...

My heart is with you, too. I'm thinking about you. And I like the quotes.

And I'm heading home soon, too... Not the same situation, but back to Portland after a long summer of looking hard at a lot of things...

So don't forget, my heart is with you on the drive home.

Suzy said...

Don't forget the crayons to draw whatever you want with.


Deb said...

Sending love and light your way. Trusting that you will remember that you have to love yourself first and best and that it's from that overflowing fountain of light that you'll be able to love your family.

Kim said...

Like all of your faithful readers, I am sending you so much love right now. Just remember that although you give so much love and light to all of your loved ones, every day, in the end everyone has to be their own sunshine. You shine for yourself first, and then they all can bask in your glow.

Jenny Rough said...

May your unioin (reunion?) be a time to rejoice. God bless, Carrie.

Jerri said...

Click your heels and repeat after me, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

It's true, you know. There IS no place where we're tested and challenged like we are at home. That's where our people--the ones who know just which buttons to push--live. That's where our shadows rise large to meet us. That's where we see and face ourselves in the eyes of the ones who know us best.

There's no where our presence matters more.

Blessings for this journey, Carrie. It's a long and winding road.


Lee Wolfe Blum said...

It is tough coming down from Mountaintop experiences! Hope you are settling in!