Friday, August 17, 2007



STARBUCKS OR BUST!

I'm proud of myself. Damn proud, in fact. I have had it on my list of things to do, to get my car the FREE service for which it qualifies, that includes a lube/oil and maintenance check. Well, we all know that nothing's "free." I would have to give up my car for a chunk of a day, and while there are days on end I never use it, somehow, the thought of not having it there if I needed it set me up for a full-scale panic attack.

So, after four full months of some quality procrastination and rationalization, I made the call, scheduled the appointment, and at this very minute, People, my car is being worked on! This will sound silly. This will make no sense. This will resonate deeply, perhaps. I have HUGE "Phone Phobia." I HHHHAAAAAATTTTTEEEE talking on the phone! Once I get going it's not so bad, but the making of the phone call sets my teeth on edge. Thank the good Lord for the Internet which lets me do SO many things without having to dial a number, it's been life-saver. And, wouldn't you know it, when I finally got to the Honda dealership today, what was the first BANNER I read? "Now schedule your service appointments on-line!" Shit! Why hadn't I done that? I'd looked up the dealership on-line. I'd looked up directions TO the dealership on-line. For the love of God, why hadn't I even TRIED to schedule the appointment on-line? Next time, for SURE!

After reading the banner, I stood waiting in line to see which salesperson would help me check in. Would it be "Mike", the thin man with even thinner hair and a whiskey voice? Would it be "Wally" the one that looked horribly mis-cast in this drama? He looked like he should be a college professor, not a service coordinator. Would it be "Brandy?" with the waist-length black hair holding what looked suspiciously like a SPIRAL perm? Do they still MAKE spiral perms, and more importantly, WHY? Or, option number four, "Rod" who, like his buddy on his right, Brandy, had unfortunate hair. You know the kind, the "I'm pretending I'm a surfer, but really I'm a 50-ish man with a paunch. I think if I keep your eyes on the length, salt and pepper color and the fact that I pull back the sides and front of my hair into a ponytail, but let the rest fall mid-way down my back, you'll never suspect a thing!"

Well, Brandy it was. She was my gal. She checked me in, pointed out I'd parked my car nowhere NEAR the service entrance, and would need to move it. I handed her my keys, a stern look and a word of caution, "Brandy, Brandy, Brandy. I have NO sense of direction. I couldn't even find my car right now with a GPS! I arrived in the lot 15 minutes ago, it's taken me this long to find YOU. Would you please by a lamb and have someone bring it to wherever it needs to go? I believe it's parked somewhere in the vacinity of the Sales Department. I caught a glimpse of new cars with balloons tied to their side mirrors as I ambled over here. Don't quote me on that, though, Brandy, I'm not fully caffeinated!"

Let's just say Brandy did not find me, my humor, nor my problem in any way attention worthy. I think she could read my "I hate your hair" vibe.

After three times of asking me if I needed a ride home, and apparently not hearing "No, I'm waiting here," three times, I finally said, "Brandy. Since I'm WAITING HERE, is there a place I could, you know, WAIT?"

"Oh, I guess you need to know where to wait?" she said without actually looking at me.

"Yes, please," I managed to utter, through clenched teeth and a pasted on smile.

Brandy pointed towards the waiting room and gave me some poor directions. Ten minutes of wandering the cavernous bullshit known as ______________ Honda, I found it. .10 seconds later I was out the door. I'm sorry, what is it about me that makes you think I'm going to spend 1/2 a day in a 3'x5' room with two men, a BLARING TV and, adding insult to injury, BUNN coffee? I did the pivot and high tailed out of that place so fast it would have made your head spin.

Well equiped with a cell phone, purse, portable CD player, earphones and of course, my best friend in the world, "Mac," I started walking the streets. I may have NO sense of direction, on top of the anger management and phone phobia issues, but when it comes to finding good coffee, I do not need more than my well-trained nose.

Suffice to say I am sitting in a nearby Starbucks right this minute, good coffee, free Wi-Fi, Dar Williams drowning out all the other annoying humans in my midst. A little slice of heaven here.

_________________________

Sorry, I'm back, I just got interrupted by two non-annoying humans. The opposite of annoying, actaully, DARLING. A retired couple just back from a hike up Pilot Butte, caffing up before going wherever they are going next, together. How I LOVE seeing happily married couples! They, like so many do, had grown to look like each other. They could have been twins, except he was clearly masculine and she was very feminine, so it's fraternal twins, I guess. Little hiking boots, tanned, athletic, well-cared for bodies. Learned they are photographers, travelers, parents. Learned all this in our 3 minute conversation. You can learn so much about people before they even open their mouths, and by the time they do, it either confirms or denies your previous "hit." They nicely confirmed my hit that they were two humans well-suited to be together for life.

So, I'm here now. Fully caffeinated. Fully Wi-Fied, and fully chuckling. For years I've had a running joke with a friend that we needed coffee fed to us through an IV, giving new meaning to "Drip Coffee." Well, guess we're not the only ones that thought of that. Have a look...

13 comments:

Bossy Boots said...

Love your writing:

After three times of asking me if I needed a ride home, and apparently not hearing "No, I'm waiting here," three times, I finally said, "Brandy. Since I'm WAITING HERE, is there a place I could, you know, WAIT?"

"Oh, I guess you need to know where to wait?" she said without actually looking at me.

"Yes, please," I managed to utter, through clenched teeth and a pasted on smile.


So present, so "OTB", so honest and now and ...again...can you by my teacher????

fiN' said...

Me too??

Kim said...

You know what is truly a little slice of heaven?
THIS POST! Hilarious!!

Oh Brandy, Brandy, how well I know you, your attitude, and your spiral perm. I was born into my crazy hair--why oh why would you pay for this?? May you find all that you are looking for, and trust me (I learned this recently from a friend named Carrie), look further than the buffet table in front of you. There is so much more.

Suzy said...

What's wrong with being in a 3'x'5 room with a TV????


Did they have cable?

kario said...

You, my dear, are a riot. Thank you for the laugh. I am so pleased your sense of direction led you to a Starbucks. Hope the car service went so well that you won't need another one for at least a decade.

Eileen said...

This was so funny, and I can so relate. I hate dealing with the car service departments. I think I was almost banned from a few of them. My friend once dropped me off at one and asked me why Mr. Drake, the Asst. Manager, was briskly walking the other direction when I came in. I just always seem to have words with someone in service. So far so good at the new Toyota place, but give me time. Anyway, glad you found peace at Starbucks. Sounds like heaven to me.

Anonymous said...

This blog made me miss the subway fiasco.

Nancy said...

Carrie you are now a morning rutual with my first cup of coffee... Love to start the day with your perspective!

"I'm pretending I'm a surfer, but really I'm a 50-ish man with a paunch. I think if I keep your eyes on the length, salt and pepper color and the fact that I pull back the sides and front of my hair into a ponytail, but let the rest fall mid-way down my back, you'll never suspect a thing!"

Great writing!

Deb said...

One of your funniest, Carrie! I love how you didn't let Miss Brandy bully you into doing her job for her and declined to go move your car.

It's cool, too, to know that I'm not the only one with phone issues. I wonder what that is.

Thanks for the laugh and for the light.

Maureen said...

OMG.... I LOVE the IV....

Michelle O'Neil said...

I'm "feeling" the coffee in this post.

....and I didn't know you were phone phobic.

...and I still want Kim's hair.

Go Mama said...

genius. love it. love the drip...like your sarcasm that drips through your post.

oh and btw, you neglected to mention which men's magazines were cluttering the little 3x5 waiting room with the (burnt) Bunn coffee and almost empty stack of styrofoam cups and vanilla-scented powdered Cremora...road and track? golf times? hairclub for men? hehehe

holly said...

Hilarious, my friend in phone-phobia! So comforting to know I'm not the only one who dials, holds her breath and prays for voice mail....

Or who, like kim, was born into this crazy hair and can't figure out why anyone would pay good money to have this done to themselves ....

thanks for the laugh!