Carrie Link

POST-POSTING REMORSE

OK, posted my early morning piece before anyone in my family got up, then started feeling bad. I was too hard on these people. My family was no "crazier" than an other...

"MOM! It is 7:14! I am going to poop at 7:15! Don't forget! Wake me up at 7:15! I will be hiding under my bed, so look for me there at 7:15! Don't forget!"

The Pink Panther theme song crosses with "The Entertainer", and humming, leg kicking from under the bed ensue.

The next fifteen minutes we have a running monologue about what time it is. His watch is "funky", he thought it was waterproof, but ah, guess not. Could I fix it? Could I find his other two watches from wherever they are in the house? Could I find his small "clock" (calculator), 'cause he really needs to play basketball, "don't forget." How many baby wipes are in that newly opened package? 80? He wants to "smell". "Smells like 82," he argues. Legs swing from the breakfast bar, bang, bang, banging into the counter. The time is announced every two seconds in a voice he's borrowed from Lois (Malcolm in the Middle.) Toast is being made per his request, he wants "six", so the two I've made are each tri-cut. Not enough garlic salt, try again, oh, now too much, start over. Now he wants water with ice, five pieces of ice. "Did anyone drink from this already?" he asks about the cup I've just pulled from the cupboard. Oops, gotta jump off the bar stool and close the bathroom door. The bathroom doors must be closed at ALL times, don't you know? The pantry doors must be OPEN at all times. When will I remember? What time is it on my watch? Same time as on your watch. Show me, don't forget....

Ding, dong, we both run to the door, he with his greasy toast hands lock the unlocked door, blocking my way to open it for the phone repair guy. Phone repair guy doesn't find any problem with our line, must be the phone.

Ring, ring, ring, phone that hasn't been working starts to work, just to prove me wrong, Rojo asks me who is calling while I am fifteen feet from the pre-answered phone. "I don't know," I answer. "But who is CALLING?" he re-asks, exasperated with me.

Daughter is up, she wants two eggs "really" scrambled. She has re-takes today. She's not happy. Why did everyone lose her pictures the first time? Those were CUTE, now she has a cold and her nose must have grown overnight, because today it is HUGE and her picture will look ugly, and everyone will see it in the yearbook, and it's not even her fault because someone else is so stupid they lost her first set.

Husband wants to talk about a business deal he's been working on for years. Wants to re-hash it. Wants to go through the entire thing, from the top, again. Now, please.

Internet is not working. Comcast says it is. Computers say it isn't. Could I please figure that out so he can check his e-mail?

Ding dong, phone guy is back, Rojo re-locks the unlocked door again, more butter and crumbs covering the doorknob.

Time for school! Get dressed! Brush teeth! Let's go, let's go!

"Mom! I'm skating!"

"Yea, you're skating. Take the hat off your feet and put your shoes on, please."

"But Mom! I'm skating!"

"MOM! I am going to look ugly for my re-takes!"

"Care! The internet is still not working!"

Ring, ring, broken phone rings perfectly, phone man doesn't understand it.

In other words, just another day in paradise!