Thursday, November 09, 2006

Line? What Line?

My husband and I are on our get-away, and I had no intention of blogging while away, but he did something "so him", it just begs to be blogged, and he knows it. In fact, moments after he pulled a "classic", he said, "You're gonna blog this, aren't you!" Can you spell rhetorical?

We drop off the last load of Rojo's things at my mom's, and have barely shut the car doors and he turns to me sweetly and says, "So, Love, we're off. Just us. What do you want to do first?"

"First I want to drive through Coffee People and get a Velvet Hammer with whip for the road. I've been thinking and dreaming about it for days."

"What happens if it's not Coffee People?"

"Well, I guess it doesn't HAVE to be Coffee People, Starbucks would be fine, but it's really a Velvet Hammer I'm dying for, so I'd prefer Coffee People. There are three with drive-thrus right on our way out of town."

"What happens if you have to go in?"

That did it. I called hiim on his s&^%.

"You don't even CARE, you just like to bug me! Wherever the line is that I draw in the sand, you've ALWAYS gotta put one toe over, look at me with that s&^* eating grin of yours, and see what I'll do!"

He started to belly laugh. He was busted and he knew it. You'd think I'd be hip to his hop by now, but he still catches me off guard. Twenty one years with this man. Twenty one LONG years.

We enjoy the rest of the day together and arrive at our hotel a few hours later.

We park near the sign that says "Valet Parking.'

"OK," I say, "here's the deal. Please don't buck the well-established system of hotel management. Please allow the valet to park our car. Please allow the bellhop to take our luggage. Please allow these people to do their jobs, and allow me to tip them accordingly. Please do not let your hang-ups with tipping make this stressful for me. Just go with the flow, PLEASE!"

We go into the hotel, I register, get the directions on where our car will be, and turn to my husband.

Listening from the side he decides he's got a better idea. This hotel doesn't know what they're doing. Why go through all that when we can just park our own car and carry our own luggage to the room?

I fume.

"Don't argue with me," he says.

I seethe.

I overload myself with all our luggage, needing to over-emphasize the burden he has placed on me.

"This is EXACTLY what I was trying to avoid! This is EXACTLY what I didn't want to have happen! This is EXACTLY why I had the little pep talk with you! Why must you buck EVERY F'ING THING????"

"I'm sorry," he says, "you're right." His words a balm. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've heard my favorite sentence in the world.

"I'll go fifteen more years with you, then I'm going to need to re-evaluate!" I answer.

He knows he's forgiven. He knows he is loved. He knows I couldn't be married to anyone but him. He knows I couldn't stand being with someone that wasn't fiesty and difficult. He knows I'm as stuck with him, as he is with me, two people that drive each other stark-raving mad, always have, always will, and wouldn't have it any other way.


kario said...

Yay! A realistic view of a loving relationship that has been going on for years (and years and years). Can't live with 'em, wouldn't live without 'em, eh? I hope you two have a wonderful time away and you find a way to push his buttons just to keep him on his toes! You go girl!

Terry Whitaker said...

I can so picture every one of those comments--and love him all the more for them!

Ziji Wangmo said...

I love this post. SO funny when you can find the humor in the things that we do to each other as we drive them to the mad house. You, my friend, are not alone.

Suzy said...

God he sounds like fun! A ball breaker after my own heart!
Way to go Stan the Man!!!!

Back At'cha said...

You get what you get.

Dr. Know it All said...

Control, this issue isn't coffee or parking, it's control.

Have I not taught you two anyting???

See you two at our next appointment.

Carrie Wanna Be said...

See, my husband, Stu, is exactly the same way. God, drives me nuts, I was going to file for divorce but you, again, have inspired me to stay. 15 years? Okay, fine. You can do it, I can do it!

jennifer said...

I just want to know, did you get the Hammer??? Did you have to go in to get it?? Did he get one? How did it taste? ON THE BODY!!!

Michelle O'Neil said...

Velvet hammer with a whip sounds a little kinky if you ask me?

Enjoy your Stan!

Jenny Rough said...

Glad you blogged while away anyway, despite your intentions. Funny post!

PsychoBabble said...

You guys sound great. Nice to appreciate each others little quirks. Nice to know you are both in it for the long haul.

Jerri said...

"Hip to his hop."

LOVE that!

I'm with Michelle on the kinky quotient of a Velvet Hammer with whip. Stan's a lucky man to have a wife who starts off time away with a request for such a thing!!

Prema said...

Classic, classic, classic. The fuming walk from parking lot to hotel. Does anyone wonder about the importance of getting the latte?!

holly said...

cracking up. perfect portrait. happy, happy anniversary.