Friday, March 20, 2009


I WILL THROW IT.

I had a song in my head all morning the other day: at the computer -even while other songs were playing in stereo through my headphones- through morning prayer, throughout my walk with Kathleen, back home, in the shower, etc., etc.

The song would not go away - Annabelle Chvostek's "Resilience," - and in particular the lines, "I'll throw it if you catch it."

Song kept playing in my head. Didn't think too much about why, but later when I sat down in my favorite big comfy chair to do some editing, I turned on my iPod, and WHAT song was playing (out of 111 on my cute little shuffle)? And which PARTICULAR words?

"I'll throw it if you catch it."

I considered crying.

I considered getting out my journal and writing something deeply insightful.

I considered closing my eyes and meditating on the no accidentness of the whole thing.

But instead I flew to the computer and fired off an e-mail to Kathleen, "Guess who is SO FLIPPIN' PLUGGED IN?" then proceeded to explain the whole thing to her.

And therein lies the rub. My need to be validated overrode the holiness of the moment.

Almost always does.

Gonna work on that.

Also going to work on throwing (love) even if nobody's really "catching."

Conditions are TFBS.

I think that's what I would have written/meditated on - only a little more eloquently. 

I think.




* Photo from www.allposters.com

11 comments:

Angie Ledbetter said...

My friend, I don't think validation and holiness are mutually exclusive. In your case, they seem to visit hand-in-hand...like throwin' and catchin'! :) Huggage

Go Mama said...

You so rock Carrie! That you saw and caught that whole thing. You caught it!

I guess the trick is, throwing it and KNOWING that no matter what, you are LOVE, so it doesn't even matter if/what/who else catches it.

We are divinely blessed. We always have everything we need. Everything is unfolding in perfection...
(I was going to say perfect time, but i realize, even time is an illusion and an expectation.)
Now IS perfection.

Amber said...

I'm catching it.

:)

Tanya @ Teenautism said...

I don't think it was just the validation - I see it as you sharing the energy of that moment. And I'm glad you shared it again in this post. I love it.

Jerri said...

Lovey--maybe it took you a while, but you got to the holiness of the thing. While you're throwing that love thing, throw some your own way.

Wanda said...

Okay. I'm not so good with the acronym thing. TFBS?

"Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am."

Sharing so two or more are there?

Holy.

Deb Shucka said...

I love how honest you are with yourself, and how right on you are about it all. And I love how you're able to dress it all in a lovely silk scarf of humor.

Rev. Christine said...

As always, wonderfully insightful and beautifully expressed. Love your new look!

She said...

Lovely! As you are!

Friday night, I'm wiped out and wicked tired. I feel this prompting to call my friend, Lorraine, who I've known for 25 years but haven't spoken to in many months. I ignore the nudge at first but it doesn't subside. I call her. Leave a message and think, "see! why do I listen to the nudging?!" Within minutes she calls back, I pick up and say, "Hello." She says (first words out of her mouth), "Did God tell you to call me?"

Well, yes. Actually, yes!

We both cried. And then she filled me in on why!

Being tuned in is so rewarding and holy if only I were always tuned in!!!

I think, by the way, you can have holiness and affirmation together. Sometimes it's the affirmation that confirms the HOLINESS of it all!

kario said...

Love the new look of the blog, btw.

And I don't think you need to be so hard on yourself about the 'validation.' I was listening to a report on NPR today where they were exploring which cultures were the happiest. Wanna know what they found? The ones who are most supportive of each other - the ones who have solid community for each other. The ones who can email each other and tell them when these non-accidents occur (okay, I made that last one up, but you get my meaning).

Love you so much.

Ask Me Anything said...

So cool. The one line that keeps going through my mind is "It's a big big wall but I'm gonna tear it down"
Please analyze.