Wednesday, June 06, 2007


LITTLE ME VS. REAL ME

Been struggling lately as it's come to my attention that not one, not two, but three men I know are not happy with me at ALL. How can someone as sweet and delightful as me, stir up all this dust? "Little me", as Eckhart Tolle calls our ego-driven self, is very defensive! How dare they! They are deflecting! They have so much of their own stuff to deal with, they are dodging that in favor of attacking me! While that may be true (Little Me is convinced it is) it doesn't make the situation any prettier. The fact remains, I have inadvertantly, and with the best of intentions, hurt those men. They are hurt. I am super "right", but they are super "hurt", and I am working double overtime to want their peace above my righteousness.

Little Me and the soulful part of me are waging war. If my apology to them is not sincere, what is the point? Why even aplogize for something I so believe was pure in its intent? Why even apologize to men so dense and ignorant they have to make me wrong to justify the feelings within themselves? How am I any beter than that? Aren't I doing the exact same thing? Who am I to call them dense and ignorant? Who do I think I am? And around and around they go, Little Me and Real Me, chasing each other in a race that can only be won by surrendering, allowing the need for compassion to overtake the need for validation. Allowing the Real Me to take comfort in extending the olive branch of peace to those engaged in battle with me. Allowing the Real Me to douse Little Me's voice out with huge pourings of love and peace. Love, love and more love. Period.

12 comments:

lisajoelle said...

My head is spinning, now which you is the me that I saw last? Or are you me and I am you, little is big, huh? I'm confused.

kario said...

SOOO hard to let go of the 'right'. Bless you for even trying, my dear. One can only hope that the love you are offering will be recognized for what it is and they will be able to let go of their hurt as you struggle to let go of your frustration.

Love you!

Kim said...

Well, I have a big desire for these little men to stand up and face the real truth without your having to coddle them.

I guess I need to get going with my Eckhart Tolle reading.

Jerri said...

This is a tough one, but I trust your heart, your great big heart, to carry you home.

Blessings.

riversgrace said...

A few things....is it ok to let these men have their feelings without having to make it better for them? What if your honesty is confronting them in a painful way that is, in the long run, a great gift for their growing? Is there a way to be present, as in, I'm so sorry for your suffering, without having to apologize for your experience and your truth?

I'm so impressed with your ability to track the impact on yourself, engage in that two-part dialog, and your willingness to remain in relationship.

Eileen said...

I think, as scary as it is, you know the answer deep in your heart. Stop the race, trust completly in the surrender, give in to the total compassion and love, love, love. You are at a place where you can only go forward and be your true authentic self. You are on a very brave journey, I admire you. Sending lots of love your way.

Deb said...

Great expression of a common confusion. I love that you share the struggle, and look forward to hearing the outcome. I have no doubt that love with win out. Love you.

Michelle O'Neil said...

WTF?

You want I should knock their lights out?

Ziji Wangmo said...

So, did you do it??? The "pour out love and peace" part.
Sometimes we get it intellectually, but it's can be so hard to let go and "love,love and more love".

Tom Mom said...

I know you are human now. You missed a letter in a word and didn't correct it.

Love Tom Mom

Sue said...

Three men?
Huh?
What are they, nuts?

Julie Christine said...

Now I plan on reading this book. I struggle with the little me vs. the real me all the time, with the little me making its gigantic appearance. With all your wisdom and deep insight, I am sure you will be able to give that "little me" a gentle kick in the butt or better yet shed some compassion to create more space for the real you radiate its magnificent power more and more! You seem like a shining star and you will only get brighter!