Thursday, June 07, 2007

ELEVEN YEARS AGO TODAY...

... I got the call, "Dad died."

... I drove to Eugene, 2 hours south, 8 months pregnant, toddler left with Grandma, and met with that reality.

... I took hold of the purse strings, so elusive to me for 33 years.

... I began to settle a chaotic estate, while putting my inner chaotic state on hold.

... I pushed away tears, anger, resentment, relief, and put one foot in front of the other.

... I realized grief would have to wait. I expect to start working on that grief any day now.

15 comments:

kario said...

You'll work on it when you're ready to let it out and work on it. It is what it is and it will come in its own time. Go easy on yourself and remember to give yourself a lot of that love, love, and more love.

Love you.

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Jenny Rough said...

Carrie, you are a pro at keeping a sense of humor about serious subjects. A PRO at it!!

Kim said...

I can only imagine how difficult that time must have been. Your coping skills are so amazing--you just roll up your sleeves and get to work, no matter what the situation. I can't tell you how much I admire that in you.

I agree with Kario that you will work through those emotions when the time is right: when you're ready to feel them, and ready to turn to others for the same kind of love and support you are constantly giving.

Love, love, and more love.

Jerri said...

Bless you today and always, Carrie.

Melanie said...

Time heals or so they say. I hide my grief as far down as possible. Good luck

riversgrace said...

Yep, it's an amazing process. Amazing how we do what we have to do to survive. Amazing how years later just one moment, one subtle turn, and the door opens. Whoever mapped out the grief process in linear stages hasn't been through it. It's always revolving. Blessings, Carrie.

Deb said...

You and your grief will meet each other when both are ready - in the gentle arms of encircling love. You will not be alone. Love.

Eileen said...

Carrie, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Give yourself permission to let the feelings of grief come and experience the loss. Know that you will be ok, and that you are not alone. You are such a good person and loved by so many. Be good to yourself and keep writing. Sending you lots of love and hugs XO.

Michelle O'Neil said...

All of us have stored grief. For some it is pushed down so far it comes out as jabs and criticisms designed to hurt others.

For others it serves as a weapon to hurt ourselves.

You've had barely a moment; thrust into the whirlwind that is your life with your beautiful, special kids. Be gentle with yourself Carrie.

Love.

Terry Whitaker said...

whoa. you're amazing.

Sue said...

Because I'm in a quotations-sort-of-mood today, I found these for you:

“One often calms one's grief by recounting it.”
-- Pierre Corneille

“He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it”
-- Turkish Proverb

“Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.”
-- Christian Nevell Bovee

“Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.”
--Ovid

“You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.”
-- Chinese Proverb


love.

Bossy Boots said...

The ice will melt, it will run into the river and fall into the sea and then will evaporate into the sky, becoming the rain/snow that will fall again, to become ice that will melt...

you are melting...

Over Protective said...

P.S. how is anonymous' comment helpful? Judge not lest ye be judged! Honestly!

Nancy said...

So hard to open that door, Carrie. My thoughts and prayers are with you.