Tuesday, April 27, 2010


NOT BETTER OR WORSE, JUST DIFFERENT


Was a time when I really believed Rojo would catch up. Developmentally delayed meant just that to me: delayed. Later. Eventually. I see now that he will never be caught up, and that's okay. He's where he is and where he is is perfect. Where he is going will be revealed. All will be well. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

One of the things the school psych that recently evaluated him got stuck on, was his trouble in answering what he wanted to do for work when he grew up. I, frankly, thought he'd say a garbage man, or ice cream truck driver, but apparently he said, "I want to be a dad."

"Yes, but what will you do for work?" she persisted.

"I will work with my kids," he said.

"Yes, you will work with your kids, but what will you do for a job?" she badgered.

"I will be a stay-at-home dad," he said, realizing she wasn't getting it.

When she told me that story, I had to wonder which one of them had the communication disorder. He will work with his kids. Period. That's work. I love that not only does he know that, it's what he wants as his vocation. Couldn't be prouder.

April is Autism Awareness month. I am aware that Rojo has Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am aware that that might make being a parent, let alone the one that stays home, difficult, if not impossible. I am also aware that Rojo has a solution in place.

"Mom, when I am married and have five sons, you will live with us, and you will help me with the boys. We will have a van and we will take the boys in the van to Dairy Queen every day. We will get vanilla milkshakes with red spoons. Don't forget. We will just say, 'Come on, boys, get in the van, let's go get ice cream!' Don't forget mom. Don't forget about the van. Don't forget to help me with my five sons."

Just different.

20 comments:

jess said...

he is my hero.

Suzy said...

Love his plans.

Love you.
Suzy

fullsoulahead.com said...

I feel like one of Rojo's kids. He teaches me so much. And though I am not a boy, I hope one day he will take me to Dairy Queen.

Elizabeth said...

He's a doll. I mean, really -- how precious.

And I'd add that you'll have your work cut out for you for sure.

One Mom said...

Carrie, this brought tears to my eyes. I'm speechless, for once!

What a noble goal, indeed. I'm with Jess...he's my hero, too.

Brenda said...

I tell Jack all the time that I have the best job in the world: playing with him. Makes perfect sense to us.

Totally impressed with his vision of the future. WOW! Such details!

goodfountain said...

That's really wonderful that Rojo wants to be a dad. My girl is planning to be have 5 sons when she grows up too. Maybe she and Rojo will meet someday... ;)

She hasn't said anything about me helping out, so I think your future job security is safe. :)

goodfountain said...

Also, I should add that Charlotte wants to be a chef, so Rojo's SAHD plan is safe as well. :)

Amber said...

I also love that he is not sexist. Frankly, I think maybe the therapist may be... I mean, would she have kept pushing if a girl said she was going to be a mom? Me thinks not.

ox :)

pixiemama said...

Don't forget.

love.

therocchronicles said...

Just different is just perfect.

Wanda said...

Abso-frickin'-lutely perfect.

Deb Shucka said...

Don't forget how very wise he is and the fact that he has access to information that most of the rest of us don't. I love this story. I love how much he loves you.

Kim said...

I just LOVE him.

drama mama said...

Agggg. Ugly cry.

He will be the perfect father to my grandchildren.

Miss M will be ready.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

I love Rojo's choice, and that he stood his ground in communicating it. Nigel also regularly speaks about the four children he is planning to have . . .

Lola said...

this post brought tears...tears of joy and just a great feeling-i really hope I get to meet this amazing future dad (with 5 boys and a van and a mom helping out and Dairy Queen runs with red spoons). Really, sounds perfect to me-ALL of it! Rojo too!xo

Retiredandcrazy said...

I would like to come and live with you when you get the van. It sounds fun to go to dairy queen each day with Rojo and his five boys. What a dream.

Ask Me Anything said...

Remember when Leo said he was going to have 5 sons and name them all after God? Then he started listing Zeus, Jesus, Siddhartha, Muhammad Ali!

kario said...

When you need a break from helping him with his five sons (!) just give me a call. I'll head over and take them to the Dairy Queen.